Top five things to avoid putting in your child's Christmas stocking

Christmas is coming, and you want to have some pictures to show the Lamprey-Canadians in Human Resources what a Jellyfish-Canadian you are.  Here are the top five things to avoid putting in your child's Christmas Stocking:

Sex toys.  Sex toys are best unwrapped and on display under the tree where they can be seen in pictures, not in your kid's stocking.  You want to telegraph your support for woke, so that pink ball gag for your toddler or leather gimp hood should be on display.  Kids assume that they can keep stuff from their Christmas stocking, and most woke parents just like to rent their children's sex toys for their pay site business, so be like them.  Sex toys in the stocking, no; sex toys under the tree, yes.

Oranges.  Orange is the color of the tens of thousands of indigenous children who were systematically murdered by white people in Canada.  Putting an orange in your child's stocking just reminds people that the tens of millions of indigenous children murdered by white people left no bodies behind.  This is a conspiracy theory.  Never put oranges in your children's Christmas stocking.  Tens of billions of murdered indigenous children call out from their invisible graves for packaging regulations, pronouns, and, open borders. Keep your oranges out where your informant friends can see them.  

Coal.  Double plus bad!  Coal is a racist symbol of 'fool around, find out', as in if you are not embracing the Protestant Work Ethic, coal represents what you get when you are 'bad'.  No way!  Being lazy is good, so do not mix your messages here.   Another reason why you should not put coal in your childs christmas stocking is that coal is black, and you know some Black Lives Mansion seeker will chimp out on camera for clicks and cash at this pretext. 

Candy.  Everything bad these days has sugar in it.  Vitamins, meat, whatever, is bad for you because of sugar.  You do not want to give ammunition to your children for when their woke teacher gets them to denounce you for whiteness.  Keep that candy out in the open where you can blame someone higher up on the victimization hierarchy.  

Vax Gift Certificate.  A lot of vaccine is going to waste because unvaccinated people are giving the vaccinated heart croak, turbo cancer, and power dementia.  The vax gift certificate allows your child to get additional boosters, above the weekly shots that medical professionals like journalists, teachers, and, pharma investors, recommend.  This noble gift should be on display, and not hidden in your child's stocking.  When the red guards come for your white ass, you want some photographic evidence of your submission to woke.  

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.  I care.