Horoscope for the week of December 24, 2023

The month of Santa has just started.  Xmas will be a little different this year, but then again, it will be more like itself.  Santa still makes lists, but people have been a little sluggish about the 'nice' part, instead pushing ahead with lubricated joy after the 'naughty' part.  Well, astrology has the heads up on when you should keep your head down.  Stay away from crowds.  

Aries: Not only are you the only one getting things done, but all the rational, adult thinking too.  You will realize this the first day of this week.  Thursday, you will intercept a message whose meaning will be completely clear to yourself.  A change of regime is coming, and you have the heads up.  If you have ambitions to wear the purple, you will need to prove yourself in Gaul.

Taurus:  Consider yourself a ruler of ancient Egypt: this is the time when you recline in your house, enjoy the pleasures of the age, and wait for the flood waters to recede.  The scents of spring are in your mind, but winter must be got through too.  This will be the last Xmas for some pleasures.  You will start to find aspects of society repellent, and rediscover misplaced value.

Gemini: The roles of messenger and author have been getting muddled lately.  Wednesday, you will obtain empirical evidence for the existence of God.  You always had an opinion about this, now you have some proof!  Hard on the heels of your illumination, on Thursday, the straw that breaks the camels back is getting passed around.  Friday

Cancer:  Your holiday week is filled with festivity.  If your stealth skills are up to par, your night time strolls will show you how other cultures resolve conflict.  If you are right minded, problems will just disappear.  There is danger in the fog on Friday. And then again, the experience of realizing you have been duped is very like fog, too.  Not for you, Cancer, you know which way the tide is running.  

Leo:  Your photogenic self will be in quite a few pictures this holiday season.  Some astute forward judgement is called for here.  Avoid being a fashion criminal.  Your tastes today just might be a bad taste tomorrow.  Wednesday, the fruits of your labors come to you.  And there is delight for the rest of the week, when it gets even better at the end.  

Virgo: Your latent psychic powers manifest this week, Virgo.  Hilarity ensues when someone steps on a rake.  And then again, it could be the start of Festival.  If you are agile, you can be the replacement for Landru. The people with rising red in their aura are just here for Festival.  Secrets are being revealed, but the guilty do not know.  

Libra: Santa has a revenge list, just like you Libra.  And because you are you, you get to mediate a dispute about someone who is going to be turned into a pillar of salt. And because you are you, you get to deal with the general case of jurisdiction:  Santa or St.Michael.  Heads up: St.Michael gets the devil worshipers.  Pictures last forever, and Santa does have access to social media.  A blessing will be found on the floor.

Scorpio:  If someone wants to make gravy farts around a bear they should not rub themselves down with parsley first.  Wise words spoken by a Scorpio.  The deep meaning is that there is no deep meaning when you are close enough to smell that cumin and wino scent of bear.  On Thursday (the big shopping day after Xmas), you are in danger of getting bedbugs from close contact with the infested.  Safe distancing works for bedbugs.

Sagittarius:  You are a center of expression for the Primal Will to Good.  The reactor gets turned on at the start of this week.  You understand the big picture.  For inspiration, re-read the penultimate chapter of Lord of the Rings, the Scouring of the Shire.  At the end of the week, at the moment when the immovable force watches an irresistible object pass by, you will be given power.  

Capricorn:  A ruling moon casts a protective spell over you Wednesday and Thursday.  The usually obnoxious proles are likeminded with you, especially when religious services are interrupted by protests about the current thing.  When the riots spread through the cities, your proximity to flowing water will be comforting.

Aquarius:  A time traveler, whom you will get to know in the future, pops up later in the week.  Some things that get lost, get lost for a reason.  You will find something once lost thanks to a dream on Thursday.  This will trigger a great depth of understanding.  Otherwise, you will not gain weight from overeating Wednesday and Thursday.

Pisces:  Many people will cross your path this holiday week.  And cue Wednesday, a profound period of being nurtured.  Warm and cuddly does not do the experience justice.  At the same time as you are enjoying your Roman Senator experience on Wednesday, you will receive a message that was not intended for you, but affects you very much.  When you enjoy the Roman Senator lifestyle, expect a few daggers and plots.  

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.  I care.