Top five winning policies to get Justin Trudeau elected

The noxious spread of untruth is a blight upon the land. These are the top five winning Policies to get Justin Trudeau re-elected, from the Politics section of Serial Killers' Monthly Magazine, January edition.

1) Welfare for Cats.  The feds are going to give you a hundred bucks a month for each cat you have.  This will require a vast bureaucracy, registry, and, arts grants.  The Cat services sector will experience gold rush growth rates.  There will be fights in mall parking lots over bags of cat food; cat litter will choke sewer systems.

2) Universal Basic Income.  Shiftlessness will be off the scale.  Nobody will work, unless it is black market.  To keep their new found dope smoker on the sofa lifestyle, they will vote for Justin.  Housing stock deteriorates though neglect and abuse. 

3) Tobacco advertising returns.  There is no rational justification for this policy, except expediency.  Big Tobacco has the money to slush fund an election, that is why.  Covid is just not doing it's job.  Tobacco lobby financed school materials only appear after the election.  Smoking stops Covid fanatics.

4) Mail in ballots.  Of course he will win.

5) Sex Work legalized.  The chaos from implementation of this policy will not be felt until after the election.   Nobody thought it through.  But it will get the votes, before the cities burn.  Another vast bureaucracy, credential mills, and, arts grants.  The new crime will be thot crime. 

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.  I care.