The week begins with the Moon in the Scorpio which means frisky. It is the strength of mind to chew off one of your own fingers to get a free shopping cart. Intense, but effective; so Scorpio. The mob awakes from a spell and changes consumer spending. All week, baby. But, what about you? Your destiny is written in the stars!
Aries: You walk in the footsteps of the daft and barmy. You will be handed the bruised fruit of others failings and make salad. Things would be better if you were in charge, I know. Tuesday morning, you provide leadership to a mob seeking justice. You are good at unravelling knots, and tying them, too. People who identify as large animals are a traffic hazard on your commute.
Taurus: Table scraps a plenty for you and your crew. Quality is aboard ship. Make busy and gobble down. Gold coins and bits of diamond fall through the grates, so be down below. Lead the counter charge that retakes the deck. There will be plunder, and you will be full!
Gemini: On Wednesday, do not let the studied dolts drive you to have them flayed by your orcs. Getting tasks done means freeing up more tasks that need done. Remember Gemini, you are mostly an irresistible object and only sometimes an immovable force. Your taste in plunder is so much cucumber sandwich tea party. Your fanatic followers want you to stretch your wings.
Cancer: Use your knowledge of codes to decipher messages from a secret society with whom you share ideological beliefs. Coupon clipper savings on underwater obstacle clearing robots at the big mall with plenty of parking. A church that pays you to attend might just be what you need to find faith. Check the expiry dates on patent medicines stored close to radiation sources.
Leo: You are the celebrity this week. The Vox Populi speaks through you on Tuesday. Your audience is humbled. Your selection of Christmas gifts will impress many and go ultimately go viral. Banish dirty socks and crusty jeans to be drowned in warm, soapy water. Someone with recent branding marks is not trustworthy to wash your car at a traffic stop.
Virgo: Use your 'use two browsers at the same time' to game your way into platinum level coupon clipper savings! The Roundheads wear sensible footwear. It is no business of yours, but to the extent you unzip your lip, you get extra kitchen duties. Maybe it is cheese cake night, and that is not a bad idea. These details are important, and they are your details, Virgo. Eat well.
Libra: Vacation is here! Beach Party tonight! You may return to ruins, picked over by maggoty zombies, but nobody listens to you anyway. Infested, partially eaten, or flyblown, these nuances are lost on the uncultured. So, you can let your hair down and go on a red neck rampage in cottage country and take advantage of off season pricing. Gin is in!
Scorpio: Look into the sky on Wednesday and what do you see? If you see Elvis in the clouds, you are better off than if you see an incoming Russian strike. Search the clouds for truth. The money is on the ground, at your feet, though. Put your wasted moments of lollygagging to good use. A secret society has secrets to discuss.
Sagittarius: Maybe you should hire more staff to deal with the strange Christmas orders that come from that Hell accessible only through the internet. The Buddhists have a name for it. Oh, and your consciousness melds with the collective mind on Wednesday. You would think you were on Acid, but the Manson family people do not have warning lights like they should normally do.
Capricorn: Turn to piracy this week, Capricorn. Neptune favors rich prizes taken at sea. A wisp of smoke from the powder store does not mean bar-b-que. Events of Wednesday and Thursday are not linked, but you have a causal chain in mind. Expect insight into vexing problems on Wednesday and Thursday.
Aquarius: A space alien artifact is dormant amongst your gardening tools. You will discover its ancient powers, but not without some hilarious adventures! Wednesday, a lost ancient manuscript will come into your hands. This has nothing to do with what is going on with your garden tools.
Pisces: Things are flowing the right way, but terrible slow. You are forced into action on Wednesday when a chaotic jumble of facts rearrange themselves into a coherent conspiracy. You will find the burden of winning the lottery to be mostly getting the paper work done.
I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.
My horoscope from last weak was 100% accurate. I made money, and then made more money 💰.
ReplyDeleteI will follow this week's horoscope to the bank. Again.
It is your destiny, Mayor
ReplyDeleteIf you're a Scorpio, let me ask you nicely, on behalf of us all, not to shit yourself when you start walking through all that money at your feet. I tell you, this guy's got form in this area.
ReplyDeleteI have a post coming up soon that is going to make us all an awful lot of money. Well, it'll make ME a lot of money, but you guys can be happy in my excessive wealth.
ReplyDelete