Aries: Tuesday at Midnight you have an appointment with destiny. Electrical devices spark attention. Road rage figures prominently in your public spaces on Wednesday, but do not let that distance you from the thrill of victory. Saturday, you are a step closer to slaking your lusts.
Taurus: Your skill in love making engenders envy. You have a secret admirer who will approach you with a porno movie script and storyboards. Music moves you, but the air raid sirens make you run. Thursday is an auspicious day for buying real estate. Wear a mask for your Saturday debut and you can keep your day job.
Gemini: Your problem solving skills are now legendary, Gemini. On Wednesday, an energy based life form proposes a quest, but it is disguised as home repair. At the end of the week, on Saturday, you will associate a bad smell with a famous movie personality. You make sense.
Cancer: A new technology is revealed on Wednesday, and gets used on Saturday. You can get your hands on one for free, but wait for next week after the sales hype has cleared. A shipment of military equipment will delay your commute on Thursday. You will find your lost keys. There is a present from your friends in Ontario in the shipment.
Leo: Cut your problems up into pieces. Wrap them up and put them into the refrigerator of the mind; in the morning, someone has come and eaten them. You can feed the leftovers to the toilet. A powerful entity watches over you, but is itself a far worse driver. Driving with your eyes closed is not a good idea this week, Leo.
Virgo: A timely review of your plans for the invasion of Earth is avoided at midnight on Tuesday. Bags of money come to you, but they are re-gifted. Beware of the things that find their way to the bottom of used bags of strangers. You will be convinced that mad men are in control of your municipal electrical utility on Saturday.
Libra: Your latent supernatural powers manifest on Tuesday, at midnight. Well, one of them at least. You are promoted from street crime to a numbers job in bunko. An unfortunate accident at midnight on Friday will leave you without an unbitten pair of gloves. Do not open the door for someone soliciting for Rabies Awareness on Saturday night, either.
Scorpio: A tragic misunderstanding at a witch burning will get you out of bed in recognition of your respected status in the community. This will happen Tuesday at midnight. An investment in goodwill involves handing over bags of wood, accelerants, and, sparklers for the kids to your neighbors at a community event.
Sagittarius: Nobody who has actually been to a witch burning could complain about it like the random primate you meet at a community event on Tuesday evening. A cracked Ford engine block is not a pronoun. The undead spirit of gluttony shows up as a reflection in your television as Raymond Burr. If you can get him to stop eating roast beef and gravy he may answer your questions.
Capricorn: Your dreams of world domination are coming true. A present from a doting War God arrives around midnight, on Tuesday. You look good in a uniform. A taste of the lifestyle of municipal strong men happens at your Saturday place of debauchery. The face slap is back in employee/employer relations. Practice not laughing.
Aquarius: Sexual hijinks and a mysterious clue of a scented wig in a leather boot add to the quest for acceptable public transit in your town. Your home computer has been co-opted by a rogue AI; you now can write over several numbers on your bank statement, edit credit scores, and, bump up share holdings in your brokerage account. There will be a quid pro quo with the AI with a happy outcome at midnight Saturday. You look good in fire light at a fire fight.
Pisces: A Xipe Totec like entity has moved into your work place computer system. Change your skin at your own peril on these machines without making offerings of tomatoes, beans, and, peppers. When accidents occur at work, secretly make a thank you offering of coffee and a donut to Xipe Totec. Your co-workers will think you a ghoul, so do this in secret.
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