Look at this. It is a kit, just like IKEA. A pop up machine gun. Same size as a car tire. It pops up and down. You can install it into your front lawn. Nobody will see it. Until you need it. Then, no more howling tomcat, eh? No loud parties. It comes in a box. You should have one. You live in Bracondale, eh? The municipal strong man there, he will pay for your pop up machine gun. He is your friend. He wants a safe community. A community with interlaced lanes of fire and no dead ground is a safe community.
Your friends will come and dig it in. Your big friend, he will give you cash. Put some salad in your bill fold! You do not have to work at all. If you work from home, you will have peace of mind. The first three to five home invaders will be cut down. The IKEA system has a creditable anti-helicopter capability, and can shoot parachutists, too!
The silencer you have to screw on yourself. It won't pop back into its hole with the silencer on. You will figure it out.
Plenty of ammo. You won't run out. Like Hollywood. You can go on vacation with it set to shoot anything that moves, and when you come back, it still has ammo. American engineering! There is a drone that flies in and puts in more ammo. It is all controlled by a phone app. Runs itself, otherwise. It can turn itself on! Isn't that convenience? The ammunition is always free. You are friends.
Make the bad guys go away. You can use the dumm-dumm bullets. It is not a war crime. Only Russians commit war crimes. The Police are the ones that give you these bullets. They are all in on it. It is the game. You know the game, eh. There is money in this for you. Cash. Your Police friend will give you bullets, and program the 'face scanner' for bad guys. Dogs that shit on your sidewalk, too, eh?
It goes back in its hole. The Police never find them. They know they are there. They do not miss some riff raff. You are part of the club. The Coroner will thank you. You will get Christmas card from them.
I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.
It is a integral part of the Mitchieville Security Initiative (MSI) that was instituted just last month.
ReplyDeleteI like the convenience of having your security den double as a fire mission command post, thanks to cameras. Your security den is tastefully furnished with manly leather chairs, Mayor, and, as I have said before, works well with the 'submarine at war' lighting. Honestly, I believe your security den is a perfect expression of Steampunk style, Mayor. It should be in a magazine, I tell you.
ReplyDeleteI really like that kitchen appliance that serves up a tumbler of Rye with exactly two ice cubes when ever you press the blue mushroom head button.