The amazing world of Crystals - the power of Sodium Hypochlorite!

Open your mind you squares to hippie wisdom. From the bong Astrology peddled here to the next plane: Crystals!  And because I care, let me share with you an easy to get power Crystal you can get your hands on right now! 

Using proper protective equipment (and, void where prohibited by law) take a glass bowl of a sodium hypochlorite solution and look through it, through the glass.  Visualize the charged crystals, swimming about! Feel this Zeitgeist flow as a bleaching force. You have unlimited power. 

I am an expression of the primal will to good! 

Through me it takes form in thought and word!

Take upon yourself the power of the activist molecule Sodium Hypochlorite. Draw its power into your green chakra. Ooooh. Power bong wisdom!

In a dirty world, you are bleach. 

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care. 

Top 5 Nazi Secret Weapons misplaced by the Canadian Army

The old hands always used to talk kind of quiet like about this stuff, but they are silent now in the mess.  Kind of makes you wonder.  Something lost there, HQ?  Do you need a hug?  Here are the top 5 Nazi Secret Weapons misplaced by the Canadian Army. 

Top 5 things for Human Resources in developing a Secret Planning Department

The thing about having Secret Plans is not that you are edgy; the thing about having Secret Plans is having a Secret Planning Department. Throw in a serving of coffee, a room to change out of Canadian Blizzard gear, and now you need Human Resources to set up Logistics. I am a Human Resources professional, it says so on my card.  From my notebook, these are the top five things Human Resources professionals need to know when developing a Secret Planning Department. 

Horoscope for the week of 25 February, 2024

Aries: A lingering air of madness is found in your public spaces. When you see naked people, having a good time, in a shopping mall you only frequent rarely, then you have a decision to make, Aries. If this happens on Wednesday, then you can walk two paths: have your cake, and eat it too! 

Taurus: In your nightmares they are making clones of Hollywood celebrities to come to Brampton as sex workers. On Wednesday, a sex robot crosses your path: an advanced model that has escaped from a space ship. On Thursday, keep the keys close to your person.  When the door shuts and the lock clicks, you want to be the person with the key. 

Gemini: You have access to enlightenment levels of comprehension and good taste on Wednesday.  On Thursday, the irrelevant is stripped off a problem and your full attention is required. With the tinsel removed, you will find answers that uplift and magnify.  Use your background awareness to establish an additional computer identity. 

Cancer: Make problems smaller. The correct combination of amulets is close at hand on Wednesday. On Thursday, someone is getting a hard lesson, but it is part of growing up. Your opinion is not immediately popular, so save your insights for your investment banker.  One of your alias accounts receives a deceptive coupon for a deal on chicken. You are being fished. 

Leo: Things will appear different under the light of day in contrast to what appears at night. Be aware of this and stage an important decision to the time of day that engenders the answer you want.  Wednesday, you will perceive the general case of this day/night thinking; and on Thursday, a serious critique will sharpen your skills. 

Virgo: The administrative cadre of the legion of Chaos attains a gilded honor. You will sense this on Wednesday, Virgo. Surveillance systems are baffled by your guile. Thursday finds you contemplating employment in a press gang; be assured, you can work your side hustle 

Libra: Easy journey to other planets is available to you: inspect your junk mail for a flyer from a reputable space travel firm. The price point is attractive. The destinations are all places you want to see. You can get human food at the hotel.  The reality of your snap vacation is a frowning boss and weeping co-workers. Thursday, you will figure out how to have your cake and eat it too.

Scorpio: A space alien artifact comes into your possession on Thursday which will help explain what happened before you got it. You will figure it out, mostly, on Wednesday.  This will make perfect sense to you on Friday. As another distraction this week, several gadgets are available for your amusement.

Sagittarius: Your past life as a dark ages war lord is showing. On Wednesday, the signs of peasant revolt are comingled with signs of sea borne invasion.  Take your pick, but both problems require the efforts of competent leadership, which, sadly, is not present.  Thursday, your soldiers salute you as Imperator. 

Capricorn: World events manifest in cloaked form around you. You are an observer here, Capricorn. In the areas of communication, culture, and, combat, you will leading edge insights. Wednesday, a psychopathological structure is dissolved; Thursday, a reminder from Santa Claus.

Aquarius: This is a good week to interact with your Manson family connections.  Make an unexpected visit on Wednesday: the hospitality you experience comes from a time before pronouns. Thursday, a difficult situation is turned to your advantage.

Pisces: You will achieve an advanced state of comprehension on Wednesday. On Thursday, you will notice that you have developed the ability to become invisible. You can rationalize it, of course. People are just not paying attention, eh? At least once this week, look in the mirror and remind yourself that you are born under the sign of the Earthshaker. 

Victory Coffee

 Victory Coffee!

The Lifelong Learner

 

You have beautiful skin. The government hired me as a PSW for this air raid shelter. I identify as human.  The door is locked, now. I feel safe. I am cooking up some meat. Meat.

Getting ready for a birthday party

 

I was peeling beets.  My landlord has a super slicer.  The best thing I have seen to peel beets.  I was thinking of Edgar Allan Poe.  I was thinking of peeling skin.  How would Edgar Allen Poe describe peeling skin?  He would talk about why the skin was being sliced off.  How the super slicer was an heirloom of the pirate captain great uncle out of South Carolina.  It had mysterious runes carved into the blade.  There was a green emerald in the handle that glowed when you were peeling fresh skin. I needed to peel skin.  

Then, the phone rang.

Horoscope for the week of 18 February, 2023

Aries: You can set up a new identity between noon Monday and midnight Tuesday. After midnight strikes on Tuesday, however, a Xipe Totec poltergeist manifests in several corporate computer systems, and your crafting of a new you is compromised by a hilarious entity.  At high noon on Wednesday, you win a wager on a street melee.

Taurus: Your secret admirer is revealed to be an AI with a secret agenda to sell you cell phone minutes. The sex tape they sent you is completely fake.  You will make up on Thursday.  Expect a surprise gift of a pharmacy sampler on Friday to set up a weekend of exploring other planets. 

Gemini: The additional resources you asked for have a hidden agenda to consummate their passion.  Do not leave food unattended at your desk; letting people know you have condoms and lube in your pencil drawer gets bonus points from HR but there is risk of surface contact Syphilis.  

Cancer: You assume a mantle of power and influence early on Monday. Reward yourself with a perfect breakfast.  Early Thursday morning, people are having public sex in your neighborhood.  You can rationalize to yourself that it was a dream, but the image of sex in the snow will haunt you until breakfast on Sunday.

Leo: Your horrifying news feed turns out to be an AI generated satire gone rogue. The news anchor you follow on social media turns out to be a lure for a deviant who self identifies as a potato beetle. Stick with the baked potato at the new venue.  You need to clean your shoes.

Virgo: Your suspicions about a neighbor prove correct. Tunneling activity continues, but nobody will listen to your concerns.  A new electronic distraction arrives Monday, but by Friday you have exhausted the entertainment.  Check out the book store: you will see something to your benefit.

Libra: Early in the week, organized crime comes through for you and an obnoxious problem just goes away. When you realize that you do not remember doing so much gardening last fall, you should not draw attention to the work you do not remember doing. Someone around you does know, but it would be better if they did not know that you know. This will make sense in the spring.  

Scorpio: You are awoken at dawn by a scout looter spying out your community. Your hands on attention to detail means meat for the winter! You can sell anything when it is bagged with a fresh smoked shrunken head. There is happiness in watching a dog chew a meaty bone. 

Sagittarius: A display of power makes you feel better. Which of your sluggish minions hungers for the knout? They want your discipline, but are too soft and weak to beg. Protect your toes from harm with leather. Dish out your face slaps like the pearls of wisdom they are. 

Capricorn: Have the satisfaction of putting a bag over the head of a transit troll, even as a 'flash mob' vigilante force enforces community standards.  When you wear a mask, you mean business, Capricorn!  Your suspicions about financial institutions are well founded. 

Aquarius: Advances in underwater technology find commercial applications in your kitchen. A market research firm from another planet has a test placement program in your house. Your toaster has attachments hidden in a bag in a closet. You will find what you are looking for, not far from the hidden toaster attachments.

Pisces: An evil genius is spinning his web of influence under your very nose. A siren will come to you on Wednesday, with a winning lottery ticket hidden about their person. You must grapple with them in seduction and also lift the ticket, Pisces.  Use your superpower: step on their feet. You can chew gum and walk at the same time.

Victory Coffee

 Victory Coffee!  The weekend!  Up for some home projects, you white racist piece of compost...

Victory Coffee

 One less mystery in life (link).  Victory Coffee!

The Lifelong Learner

When I think about lifeboats, I like to think about who I have aboard.  I think about DEI. I think, are they plump? I like the plumpers. It is my own word. You can use if for air raid shelters, too. People bring their pets to the air raid shelter. Plumpers and poodles. Budgies like to fly away. But you can catch a dog. I am a vegan in sunlight. In my air raid shelter, I have a hot plate.

Top 5 ways to make money as an Air Raid Warden in mostly peaceful times.

 

For older men, the onset of Eternal War is good news! Lots of job categories opening up. One of which is Air Raid Warden.  Here are the Top 5 ways to make money as an Air Raid Warden in mostly peaceful times. 

The Lifelong Learner

 

Look at this.  It is a kit, just like IKEA.  A pop up machine gun.  Same size as a car tire.  It pops up and down.  You can install it into your front lawn.  Nobody will see it. Until you need it.   Then, no more howling tomcat, eh? No loud parties. It comes in a box. You should have one. You live in Bracondale, eh?  The municipal strong man there, he will pay for your pop up machine gun. He is your friend.  He wants a safe community.  A community with interlaced lanes of fire and no dead ground is a safe community. 

Top 5 jobs for Older Men for the Eternal War

You do not want to really talk about your job prospects in the Eternal War if you are an older man. The younger men are all going to die.  Well, go to the front. You do not want to upset them. That would not be very woke. For older men, the employment landscape is as bright as a flare. You will need head protection, your future is so bright!  Here are the top 5 jobs for older men for the Eternal War:

Victory Coffee

  Victory Coffee

Time for diversionary reading.  How about this (link)?   The Halls of Macadamia is one of my regular reads. 

As for soothing visual images while I drink Victory Coffee and have a Victory Muffin, try this.  I like watching this.

Top 5 five things not to talk about with your military awareness group at work

Being on top of army stuff is a great way to show enthusiasm for the current thing.  But you should watch your mouth.  Careerist informers are everywhere.  Here are the Top 5 things not to talk about with your military awareness group at work.

Horoscope for the week of 11 February, 2024

Aries:  Tuesday at Midnight you have an appointment with destiny.  Electrical devices spark attention.  Road rage figures prominently in your public spaces on Wednesday, but do not let that distance you from the thrill of victory.  Saturday, you are a step closer to slaking your lusts. 

Taurus: Your skill in love making engenders envy.  You have a secret admirer who will approach you with a porno movie script and storyboards. Music moves you, but the air raid sirens make you run. Thursday is an auspicious day for buying real estate. Wear a mask for your Saturday debut and you can keep your day job. 

Gemini: Your problem solving skills are now legendary, Gemini.  On Wednesday, an energy based life form proposes a quest, but it is disguised as home repair.  At the end of the week, on Saturday, you will associate a bad smell with a famous movie personality. You make sense. 

Cancer:  A new technology is revealed on Wednesday, and gets used on Saturday.  You can get your hands on one for free, but wait for next week after the sales hype has cleared. A shipment of military equipment will delay your commute on Thursday. You will find your lost keys. There is a present from your friends in Ontario in the shipment.

Leo: Cut your problems up into pieces. Wrap them up and put them into the refrigerator of the mind; in the morning, someone has come and eaten them. You can feed the leftovers to the toilet. A powerful entity watches over you, but is itself a far worse driver.  Driving with your eyes closed is not a good idea this week, Leo.

Virgo: A timely review of your plans for the invasion of Earth is avoided at midnight on Tuesday. Bags of money come to you, but they are re-gifted. Beware of the things that find their way to the bottom of used bags of strangers. You will be convinced that mad men are in control of your municipal electrical utility on Saturday. 

Libra: Your latent supernatural powers manifest on Tuesday, at midnight. Well, one of them at least. You are promoted from street crime to a numbers job in bunko. An unfortunate accident at midnight on Friday will leave you without an unbitten pair of gloves. Do not open the door for someone soliciting for Rabies Awareness on Saturday night, either. 

Scorpio:  A tragic misunderstanding at a witch burning will get you out of bed in recognition of your respected status in the community.  This will happen Tuesday at midnight. An investment in goodwill involves handing over bags of wood, accelerants, and, sparklers for the kids to your neighbors at a community event.   

Sagittarius: Nobody who has actually been to a witch burning could complain about it like the random primate you meet at a community event on Tuesday evening. A cracked Ford engine block is not a pronoun. The undead spirit of gluttony shows up as a reflection in your television as Raymond Burr. If you can get him to stop eating roast beef and gravy he may answer your questions. 

Capricorn: Your dreams of world domination are coming true. A present from a doting War God arrives around midnight, on Tuesday. You look good in a uniform. A taste of the lifestyle of municipal strong men happens at your Saturday place of debauchery.  The face slap is back in employee/employer relations. Practice not laughing. 

Aquarius: Sexual hijinks and a mysterious clue of a scented wig in a leather boot add to the quest for acceptable public transit in your town. Your home computer has been co-opted by a rogue AI; you now can write over several numbers on your bank statement, edit credit scores, and, bump up share holdings in your brokerage account. There will be a quid pro quo with the AI with a happy outcome at midnight Saturday.  You look good in fire light at a fire fight.

Pisces: A Xipe Totec like entity has moved into your work place computer system. Change your skin at your own peril on these machines without making offerings of tomatoes, beans, and, peppers.  When accidents occur at work, secretly make a thank you offering of coffee and a donut to Xipe Totec.  Your co-workers will think you a ghoul, so do this in secret. 

Top 5 Christmas Shopping Tips for February, 2024

With only 320 days left until Christmas, you need to pause for a moment and read these top 5 Christmas shopping tips for February, 2024!  Traditionally, February is the month that Black History gear goes on sale.

Top 5 ways to advance your career

Tape record your entire day at work.  You will not get through a year of work without your name coming up in an HR penis hunt. You do not want to get fired, or set up to be fired later.  Once all the snitches and fuck toys know that you have a recording that differs from their staged rape of the month, they will pick some one else.  

Conceal a surveillance camera.  You want a time stamped record of your hours working at your desk.  This will throw some water on the staged or fake rape that some careerist cabal has put together to remove you as a competitor.  You can also spot the coworkers who take your stuff, put batteries in your trash, or have sex on your desk when you are not there.  

Trust nobody.  Nobody trusts 'friends' in the workplace.  If they do, they are either naive or they are working a hustle. They could be working a hustle on you.  

Side hustle awareness.  Employers tolerate side hustles because they are afraid of the Rotherham effect. Realize that an employer, to get rid of a side hustler, will usually chop a bunch of people at the same time, so the mass firing reflects diversity.  If you are seen to be a little too close to the one intended victim, you could get bundled up with the purged.  

Hide your light under a basket.  Remember you are dealing with a hierarchy that got those fat pay checks and perks not for being competent, but for being green.  They do not like competence, because it makes them look like a racist stereotype.  Do the minimum.  See how much other people are doing, and do as little as them. You do not want to be a target. 

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.  I care.

The lifelong learner

 

So, you tell me the government lies to you.  Yes, lies. And the secret they are trying to hide?  Asbestos. A miracle product.  Smeared to protect Big Road Tar interests. Yes.  You see, you can use Asbestos to make super duper concrete.  Really strong.  Does not wear out like road tar.  Valuable.  Mmmm.  You can make money too. With asbestos. Like the Big Road Tar interests. Make some cash.

The lifelong learner

 

I am a lifelong learner, and I just learnt that you can easily dig tunnels under your house.  Yes, it is true.  You can get all the equipment at Home Depot.  Some shovels, perhaps.  But you already have most of what you need. Mmmm. Yes.  And you can make money with a tunnel.  You can put tenants down there.  Make some cash! 

You can dig your own, but why have to?  You have friends.  We are friends.  Your friends will dig the tunnel.  They already know how! Our friends!  They come at night, in the rental van.  Everyone can see it, the bright, happy colors!  You will have the tunnel you want under your house.  The tunnel you deserve.

A beautiful tunnel.  Toronto needs more tunnel space.  There is a housing crisis!  You can help!  Rooms are 2500 a month.  You can have four rooms down there.  Ten thousand a month!  For you!  Every month. For your pocket. Cash. 

Your friends will build the tunnel.  They do good work.  They are top notch.  I know how you feel.  I have felt the same way.  I have found that borrowing the money to build the tunnel I want to make lots of cash fast is always a good idea.  I will lend you the money.  I care. 

You are just a few feet away from your dreams.  An electrician will come to tap into your neighbors service.  You will save money, right away!  A wise man does not stand behind the elephants tail.  This is progress. 

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.  I care. 

The lifelong learner

 

Do you like chickens?  I am a lifelong learner, and I just learnt that chickens make a great side hustle here in Toronto, the City of Light.  You can sell their eggs and meat, and have the companionship of a lifetime home with your chickens.  Yes, it is true.  Everyone is doing it.  Just think of the excitement when you win your first chicken fight.  Even if your bird loses you will make fifty bucks.  If you work from home, you can keep a lot of chickens.  

My friend makes hundreds of dollars a month killing chickens.  You can too.  It is easy.  They do not fight back.  You want a job?  My friend will give you money to help him with his chickens.  He lost his eye to a chicken.  He needs help.  It is easy work.  

Everyone eats chicken.  You can sell it door to door.  Even if you sell your chicken for a dollar, you will make money.  There are government grants.  Government money.  But you must have the feathers to get the paycheck.  There is a phone app that does all the paper work.  You will understand when the time comes. 

I know how you feel.  I have felt the same way.  I have found that borrowing money to get the equipment you need to make lots of cash fast is always a good idea. You do not need to borrow the money.  I will lend it to you.  I care.

You are just a handshake away from your dreams.  A plumber will come to you with the equipment.  Everything will make sense.  Chickens are comforting. 

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.  I care. 

Horoscope for the week of February 4, 2024

Aries:  Your old pal, The Earth Shaker, has fun stuff planned for Thursday.  All day long.  Before that is the planning.  You get to plan, Aries.  There is a place for you there, filled with longing for your presence.  And, they need your get shit done super power.  The day of fun stuff ends with a midnight uproar, so avoid crowds around that time. 

Taurus:  Wednesday at noon is a propitious time to receive the deed to a new property, Taurus.  A gangster's treasure is hidden there.  It is all for you, Taurus.  Every pretty bauble. Later on Wednesday, some of the office staff will try to run away when they see what is going on in the news.  Use your Taurus charm to keep them distracted until your new deed is in your hands. 

Gemini:  In the hours approaching midnight on Monday, you will receive guidance from a higher power. Tuesday you should take an inventory of your pens and pencils and retain only those that meet or exceed your expectations of excellence.  Nobody wants a blobby pen when they are signing over money.  You will win the lottery, despite distractions.

Cancer:  The news will panic some people on Wednesday, and you will wonder why they did not panic with what went on Sunday.  Perhaps it is time to restart your bootleg borscht business as a side hustle.  Rum running is predictable cash, but borscht lets you virtue signal. The ring tone on something gets changed Tuesday.

Leo:  You are propelled towards self aggrandizement by extraterrestrial influencers. Thursday, a disguised alien artifact announces that it wants its battery charged.  Your secret identity is under scrutiny by agents of an extraterrestrial corporation.  You are the best person to keep secrets.

Virgo: War profiteering becomes easier with your new phone app. On Tuesday, take your skill set into electronic gizmos. The excitement outside on Wednesday is just that, outside. Saturday at midnight is auspicious for a lottery win. 

Libra: Thursday, an overweight tradesman will shapeshift into a sexy time traveler sex tourist.  Your DNA is wanted for a prototype.  You discover a secret recording of you smashing a fly into a grisly stain on an insect snuff porn site.  If you actually had control of your original content, you would have a healthy sum waiting for you on your next trip to the Moon. 

Scorpio: Monday at High Noon, you have an appointment with Destiny, Scorpio.  Are you the message or the messenger?  The earth will shake when you click your heels together with your magic slippers.  A sinkhole of burning sulfur opens up close to where the church was burnt down.

Sagittarius: In the early hours of Monday, an evil dream will come to you compelling you to the shopping mall closest to your isp address. Medusa is shopping there, too.  Take all your magic gear, Sagittarius.  These bargains are worth a lifetime!  Maybe bring someone you do not like, so they can become lawn sculpture.

Capricorn: Side hustle is set to acceleration, Capricorn.  Add Goon to your Human Resources line up.  Your email is the same as a sex symbol on another planet.  A gift of ice skates will unmask the secret of your secret admirer.  You will find another note in the martini glass. 

Aquarius: A work of agriculture worthy of a Babylonian king is yours to make, Aquarius.  On your trestleboard add additonal amulets to shape your future status.  You will find great bargains when you shop for fresh fruit.  The voices on the phone are not human. 

Pisces: You are approached to take on a script for a woke remake of Cthullu, and you are told Taylor Swift has already been signed. Are you sick of the lies, Pisces? Who is this guy on the phone?  Is it an evil AI, programmed by a bitter, self taught burnt out telemarketer, sent to punish society for an unhappy love life?  Better, give them a few of the names from your shit list, as people really interested in woke remakes of Cthullu.  Win both ways, Pisces!

See a problem? Walk away.

 

Should I have warned Gollum, the homeless guy?  He was going through some stuff left out in the trees.  This is the park at the north west of Davenport and Bathurst.  Gollum did not know whose stuff it was.  An organized ring of specialty sex workers use that beach blanket for afternoon love making.  There was a purse bag with lube and condoms.  I see a problem here.  I walk away. 

The lifelong learner

 

I am a life long learner.  I am filled with enthusiasm, weapons grade. Did you know that you can get a realistic head of hair from your dog or cat?  Yes, it is true.  Using the skills and potions of the mystical east, thanks to open borders, you can get their lush pelt sewn onto your head.  This is good news.  It is a relief for the many people who suffer from not having hair. 

What color do you want?  The Russian blue house cat makes a sexy, babe magnet head of hair.  You can never tell it is not real.  And it sheds, just like real hair.

Have a drink.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.  I care.