Top 5 Christmas Shopping Tips for January, 2024

With only 358 shopping days left until Christmas, you need to pause for a moment and read these Top 5 Christmas Shopping Tips for January 2024.  Traditionally, January is the month when fetish gear goes on sale.  

Is this item of fetish gear previously loved?  Sanitizing should be foremost on your mind, but with so many people now able to blame their STDs on the Vax, maybe you can skimp on the hydrogen peroxide protocol.  You know by now that you cannot trust anybody to perform simple tasks without direct supervision, so celebrate the double standard yourself.  Put a brown bow on it, and let the end user beware!

Can you mix business with pleasure?  The modern boss with pronouns celebrates sex play at work, but is the Boss It a dom or a sub?  What is their safe limit with bodily fluids and mucus membranes?  If you are still an unpaid intern in your engineering job, it might be better to stick to traditionalist gift picks like hoods.  

Indigenous fetish gear again?   With the first Christmas office fetish sex party of the year coming only next week, you need to catch the eye of HR and the office informants with your virtue signals.  Real indigenous fetish gear always comes with an informative booklet attached with red elasticized string.  Previously loved indigenous fetish gear, not so much.  

Branding Irons. Careerists will tell you that the person that brings the branding irons does not get to get branded.  Avoid disappointment and never bring branding irons to the office fetish sex party if you want to get branded.  If you are noticing the rats leave the sinking ship, you do not want that corporate logo seared into your buttocks.  Look how the Twitter brand has not aged well, woke wise.    

Sew your lips shut.  Who says men cannot sew?  I have known several MAGA supporters that have happily sewn up the lips of people with whom they have ideological differences.  They became nice people afterwards.  You can sew up your own lips in the comfort of your own home.  As the new guy at the office fetish sex party, you want to impress.  You can include some colored beads in the colors of the current thing. 

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.  I care.