Top 5 New Years Resolutions that will advance your career

You can game the system like the professionals.  Advancing your career means appealing to a recruiter with your enthusiasm, telling the boss what It wants to hear, virtue signaling to the Its in HR, and, avoiding replacement by offering up someone else to walk the plank.  Nobody ever really follows through on their New Years resolutions, so why not just cherry pick them for effect.  Remember to say, and not do.  Doing what you say you are going to do is for white supremacists.  So, here are the Top 5 New Years Resolutions that will advance your career.

Have an abortion.  Even your poop fetish boss will not share a single turd out of their special lunch box for this one.  However, the Its in HR will gurgle in delight at this virtue signal.  As for everyone else, any display of disbelief is thought crime.  How dare they bring facts into the moment.  Make sure you announce this new years resolution where the office informant can see which co-workers are questioning the reality that you can have an abortion.  This will put them on the replacement list; let them walk the plank. 

Change genders monthly.  Your poop fetish boss already knows that a toxic work environment is almost as sexually arousing as smearing feces in It's crib.  By adding to a toxic work environment, you stroke the shaft of the engine of appearance of productivity.  As for the Its in HR, this is an incredible virtue signal.  And you can be certain someone who is not divorced from reality will betray themselves to the office informer by a facial tic, a tremor in a finger, or some cryptic body language cue known by some ability challenged misinterpreter of NLP.  Someone who questions the orthodoxy of gender swapping is off the plantation and will walk the plank.  

Be a booster booster.  When asked your new years resolutions, be sure to include getting your booster according to whatever accelerating schedule the low oxygen therapy leadership deems necessary.  Actually getting the jab is another story.  Talking about it is a great virtue signal which will raise your stock with the white guilt slurpers in HR.  Your boss will start to value your contributions because you just might need to be replaced after a completely unexpected "died suddenly" event.  As for your co-workers, the more of them who have heart croak, turbo cancer, or galloping dementia, the better.  Words, not deeds, get the career going.  

Raise suicide awareness.  You want your co-workers suicidal and not homicidal, for sure, but letting management and HR know you know their game is not a good career move.   Engage: talk about suicide awareness and how enthusiastic you are about it.  This is a great virtue signal. Leave management and HR to their silent fears of being strangled in the parking lot.   Never mention that you know how close suicide is to homicide, or that you are an undocumented hypnotherapist. 

Make up a charity. Combine philanthropy with financial aggrandizement just like the Black Lives Mansion people.  You can crib all your talking points from the internet.  Stop giving your money to others; start and take other's money for yourself.  By engaging and raising awareness about whatever, you virtue signal.  Manipulate your boss into giving you paid time so you can goof off.  Your spirit animal is the lamprey.  Be yourself. 

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.  I care.