Looking under the bed

I never thought too much about what is under the bed. Just a place to sweep out on cleaning day. Some people like to put a suitcase there.  Maybe put shoes, but not too far in that you cannot get them out.  Books, overdue, lost, or hidden. Board games tell you about the person when they are under their bed. Nobody ever puts a Bible down there, but they will put an Ouija board. Fancy that.

I learnt all about Ouija boards under the bed when I was a kid. The librarian at school was a witch and she showed me a book about it.  What you put under your bed, what you should put under your bed, what you find under your bed.  You should not put an Ouija board under your bed.  Especially under your head.  That is what the book said. 

Suitcase, you will find them.  They either are full, or they are empty. On a creepy crawlie, you want to find a full suitcase.  On a real creepy crawlie, someone has told you to get a particular.  More than once the particular I was after just happened to be a full suitcase under their bed.  

Shoes under the bed are a motel for poltergeists.  This is pretty much obvious to anyone who reads a daily horoscope.  If one of a pair gets dusty, and the other not as much, then you get divorcing poltergeists in your subconscious. Sinful thoughts begin with shoes under the bed.  

Books.  Of course. The smart power goes into your head while you sleep.  But only if they are under your head.  Normal people keep their smart books at sleeping head height.  Under your feet, under your bed and you have nightmares about life boats and ski insurance.   

Board Games.  I have yet to meet a diabolical character who was not a board gamer.  I would go to a friendly board game and be gobsmacked to find some diabolical genius plotting with subordinates over a map.  One of those big Toronto transit route maps.  And people keep extra things in the board games under their bed, like lead figurines.  

Ouija board.  At crime scenes, if there is an Ouija board, it is under the bed.  If someone is sleeping on the bed when I see they have an Ouija board under their bed, I know to not put my tongue in their ear.  

I am a life long learner, on a journey of discovery.  May the tongue of wisdom slide into your ear while you sleep.

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.  I care.