To feed the dog

 

I got to visit a friend and feed their dog.  I was dog sitting, actually.  I do not know what he was thinking, so I just had to make up what I should do.  I started by boiling up some meat with turnips to make a big pot of dog food.

I used a cleaver to cut up pieces of meat.  The dog was shy, and was hiding from something.  The place was quiet, except for the dripping sound.  The sound of the cleaver got the dog out from hiding.  The dog was hungry.  What a cute dog! I cut up some of the smaller bones and some easy to cut off bits of meat and put it on to cook.

I cut off the skin of the turnips.  I was happy with the peeler.  It was sharp still, with some of that factory sharpness.  I like to use knives when they are still factory fresh.  When I get a new knife in my hand, I just want to cut things, and feel that factory sharp edge just slice through whatever.  Dogs do not eat turnip peelings.  I cut the turnip meat up into cubes and put it in with the meat and bones and set it to boil.  

I had the kitchen fan on full.  I even made sure it worked correctly.  That the vent was free of obstruction.  I hope nobody outside would smell the boiling meat.  Some people are offended by that smell.  The turnips add vital nutrients to dog meat, and their aroma harmonizes with the smell of boiling flesh to a fragrant winter bouquet.  The aroma of the banquet would be forced by fan outside.  Two crows alighted on the neighbors roof.

How do dogs eat in nature?  They eat meat.  They like to gnaw off a carcass.  They like to pick through guts with their tongue, and they do not mind flies.  What would this dog, in nature, be eating right now?

I spooned some meat food into a shoe.  A sneaker.  I dipped the laces in broth. This pot had plenty of chewy bones!  The dog would be happy!  I put two finger bone sized bones into the shoe.  Dogs like discovery eating.  

There was a plastic mat for the shoes at the door.  I put spoons of meat food into those shoes, too.  

This guy had a big bag of rice.  It was a fancy foreign brand.  It came through the open border; never had a food or health inspector looked at it.  It was from a place notorious for Arsenic in the ground water.  What good fortune!  I needed Arsenic for my hobby, which is to make wood preservatives! I could take this twenty pounds of rice, and extract a pound or two of Arsenic!  Wow!  And I recognized the bag.  I could get all of the feedstock for my process at the supermarket!  

What a great day!  The dog was happy with bowls of meat and bones to gnaw!  I went home with a hop, skip, and, a jump in my heart!  The same thing would happen tonight, after dark, when I returned to feed the dog again. 

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.  I care.