Professor Bob

 

The Stroke Economy

Hmmm. That sounds a little kinky. Let me explain. To give someone a stroke, in this context, is to pay attention to them. A stroke might be any sort of interaction; a compliment, a criticism, a question, an answer, a comment on the weather, holding the door for someone, dropping a coin in a homeless man’s Tim’s cup. A stroke validates a person’s existence. The statement contained in the stroke says; “I see you.”


We all need to be validated, our existence confirmed. It tells us we are alive, present in our little corner of the endless universe. The name, “The Stroke Economy,” might just as well be, “The Attention Economy.” It is not a trivial thing, the need for attention powers much of what we do, for we are a pack animal, our presence in a group being a defense against predators, hunger and cold. Being ostracized is a punishment, being separated from the group exposes one to risks and hazards. Strokes tell us we are not alone. Solitary confinement is a part of prison practice because it denies the prisoner of their need to be part of a group and leads to social conformity in order to be accepted back into the group.


We all need strokes, as much as we need food, water and shelter from the storm. We can get strokes from any sentient being, such as a wild bird that comes to a feeder or a pet that wants to be fed. When the boss at work pays attention to us, that’s a stroke. It satisfies our need for strokes, but strokes come in many guises, they may be positive or negative, casual or intense, intended or unintended. They all matter, satisfying our need to be noticed.


An expression of affection, a kiss on the cheek, from our significant other is a big deal; positive, intense and intended. Positive strokes are best, emphasizing our connectedness and value in the group, even if they casual or unintended.


Strokes are necessary. No strokes is a terrible place to be in, like being stranded in a desert, with no food, water or shelter from the storm, cut off from the rest of the world. A prisoner in solitary confinement will make a pet of a rat, so they can get attention from it. We give good strokes when we say, “Good morning,” and get good strokes from the response, “Good morning.” But if there is no response at all, we feel cheated and angry, our opinion of that person takes a hit. We may even say, “Good morning” again, to let them know how we feel and give them a chance to make amends.


Now look at children. Their need for stokes is almost pathological. If they don’t get a good stroke for, say, hanging up their coat, the next time they may throw their coat on the floor and get yelled at. Because bad strokes are better than no strokes at all.


Professor Bob