Horoscope for the week of March 10, 2024

 Xipe Totec reveals himself in financial services sector software. The reskinning of software engines has awoken something. Expect to see ectoplasm manifestations around cash machines. A face watching you from inside your computer screen could frighten some people ... but you have your weekly horoscope to guide you around resurgent supernatural forces. Here is the horoscope for the week of March 10, 2024.

Aries: Prepare for your trip to Mars! After the big reveal on Monday, expect to be taking your bags to the Mother Ship on Wednesday.  Someone close to you reveals that they are friends with a space alien, and are planning to leverage their adjacency into sustainable cash flow. 

Taurus: Tuesday, your share of the sack of Rome shows up. Investing in the Vandal Growth Fund was a good idea. You are so good with money, Taurus.  You deserve new shoes. 

Gemini: A renegade AI is making offers to members of your star sign, Gemini.  Pay close attention to what is presented to you online. Unplugging your computer during the early morning hours of Tuesday will be a good start. 

Cancer: Early Monday morning you will have a prophetic dream. In the early afternoon of Thursday, an angry mob entertains as you watch from above.  Your look is enhanced with a cape, boots that reflect your theme, and, a stage truncheon made from sprinkler pipe. 

Leo: Keep your focus on the good things you wish increased this week, Leo. Friday around dinner, unrest from an incident eight hours prior will influence your shopping patterns. Storing amulets and occult books around kitchen electrical devices will open a portal to Dark Universe Downton Abbey. 

Virgo: A fog lifts from your cognition, and your mental overdrive capability is fully restored: this happens Monday, at dawn. You will be asked to do the screenplay for the woke remake of Cthulhu with Taylor Swift. 

Libra: You regain power over a project on Tuesday. There is a slow accumulation of details which force an outcome next week on Thursday.  Mind you, with your superior Libra intellect, you can see what is going on. You look good!

Scorpio:  Be cautious around livestock, especially ones larger than yourself. The breath mints you bought at the airport vending machine contain a broad spectrum insect sex hormone. Do not share them with friends. You will miss a raging blizzard: a migrant will be found frozen solid at your regular bus stop. 

Sagittarius: A leaking kitchen garbage bag inspires insight about the Canadian experience. Wednesday at midnight pay attention to the winning lottery numbers that will be produced with 'alien hand syndrome'. Follow the instructions. 

Capricorn: Your hours of computer game playing is being used to model the AI for an extraterrestrial weapons system. It has eight legs. You can say thank you with a thoughtful card. 

Aquarius:  A smoking volcano in the background of your recent tourist snap gives pause for thought. The lifeboat has a credit card swipe entry. The cockpit is empty because the pilot is in the washroom. 

Pisces:  There is a lifeboat stored on the roof of your office building. When you ask about it with building management, they will ignore your question and ask you, can you use a kayak? Tlaloc has sent a message.