Sunday, March 17, 2024

Horoscope for the week of March 17, 2024


Xipe Totec manifests in the distributed computer networks of the Ontario financial sector. Beware of offers of reskinning. 

 Aries: A routine task at work ends up with you holding absolute power. Things are on the low down until Thursday, when the beans boil over. Turn a crisis to your purposes, eh, Aries? Friday morning, water shows up where it is not wanted, providing a new source of entertainment for the ones in the know.

Taurus:  In the early hours of Monday morning, you will have an insightful dream that unravels a negative psychopathological structure. In the wake of this, you will develop an artistic ability. Things get serious on Friday: use your legendary powers of concentration, Taurus, and you will bait the hook the first time.

Gemini: You are ahead of your time. You will have to wait until Thursday for the gang to catch up. Expect some incredible good breaks on your morning commute on Thursday as well. Things are building up to a whole lot better. When surrounded by munchkins, you can sing, or you can tend the bar.  

Cancer:  The opportunity for a debauched St,Patrick's Day arrives at noon on Sunday at the beginning of the week. You can have your cake and orgy too all the way till 10pm on Tuesday. 

Leo: At the start of the week you will be slowly immersed in an illusion: the illusion that there are no illusions. You will be pulled out of it on Thursday. Heads up: pay attention to the humans around you that are gaslighting adjacent. One of your associates has a doppelganger you will discover on Thursday.

Virgo:  You are several steps ahead in the game. Something happens Thursday and things become easier, but a long term problem forms out of the darkness. Friday is a good day for sanitizing, but beware of strange aquariums which may harbor puffer fish. 

Libra: An adoring throng gathers around you early Monday morning, and, the wheel of fortune turns and on Thursday things are different.  To understand Thursday, pay attention to what happens Monday. The incidents are linked, and that is the mystery for you to solve.

Scorpio: The coroners collection of kitchen appliances that have caused the death of their owner has been sold to your favorite second hand shop. The bargains are impressive, but you know better than to buy accursed kitchen accessories. On Saturday, drown a disobedient cell phone to show them who is boss.

Sagittarius: You will receive messages from food.  These insights are powerful and tailored for you personally by the Supreme Librarian of the Universe. There is a plot cooking, and you are needed in the Galactic Kitchen to put together a banquet of justice. Peel the potatoes; rule the world.

Capricorn: You have developed a superior relationship with your subconscious. Apply the insights you have learnt. Hostiles are present on your commute to work Monday and Tuesday. You can get a good deal on battery powered electric knives on Friday at you favorite second hand shop.

Aquarius: Someone has a drug overdose at work, which leads to advantages for your side hustle. Be suspicious of scuba divers close to your submarine berth. They are responsible for your poor gas mileage. You will find the knick knack you are looking for on Friday.

Pisces: You really know what happened to Kate Middleton. You know why they covered it up. You can keep a secret, Pisces. Now you know why you should have an escape bag, because you just might need it soon. Expect a present of socks, even though it is after your birthday.

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