Aries: Friday morning, an impressive highway pile up will appear in a dream in your rear view mirror. In retrospect, you will think it a training exercise for what happens early next week. Most everybody does not know what is coming: be suspicious of anyone not showing fear. They might be in on the game.
Taurus: A clever rearrangement of components from discarded kitchen devices will allow you to finish some preparations for your big Halloween party this year. And do not forget your outfit, Taurus! You make an impressive first impression, and the emerald snake insignia on the mask you wear to do in person banking says that you mean business.
Gemini: Rabies figures prominently in your horoscope this week, Gemini. Actually, the rampant contagion is called something else. Anyway, in the first moments of Monday, a malady of the intellect takes form, and spreads like a fungus through a turnip. Wash your hands. Wash your shoes. Do not engage.
Cancer: When madness strikes, you know it is Festival. During these times, your sign is noted for its fashion sense and good taste. A few moments of wardrobe maintenance will pay off in food and cigarettes when Festival gets started.
Leo: Who but you to be the new lawgiver? You deserve a well made toga. If you can eat a pitted olive in the market, then you will have the support of the Thundering Legion. Your friends in Serbia have a present for a mutual friend.
Virgo: There is a tragic beauty to a sunset over a doomed city. Keep this in mind when you take some selfies with your Swifties. Will this age well? Or will you become a meme in a future Presbyterian school curriculum?
Libra: Latent urges to satisfy the carnal desires once sublimated in Colonizer Christianity surface in your community. Your decision to join in is easier if you have hot chocolate. You will make a new friend who worships Xipe Totec who will tell you that chocolate is a food amulet that will protect you from jaguars when you cross over a river on a log.
Scorpio: Irresponsible Pagans have awoken Tlaloc in Taddle Creek in Toronto. Ozone smell is better than sulfur smell but best avoid both. From midnight on Wednesday and until the sun rises on Thursday finds you running with some wild people. Maybe go to bed early with a glass of warm milk.
Sagittarius: Doing things we do not like, to get things we do like, all the while dealing with the clumsy and the pedantic is a three way leadership model that does nothing, and does nothing well. An angry child wearing an adult skin suit provides clarity at dinner on Tuesday.
Capricorn: The final conclusive onslaught turns out to be an old dog blanket that smells bad when wet. Your tendency to over estimate the climb is endearing, but for your personal best, you know the optimum.
Aquarius: A kindred soul from your time in the Early Dark Ages shows up. Monkey with Computer is a great title for your video essay, maybe a password for the device that arrives Thursday. Someone else will fall asleep first on the life boat filled with rats.
Pisces: Your mastery of food amulet spell craft was largely dormant in your subconscious until this week. Impress yourself with a chocolate, vinegar, and, turnip success spell on Tuesday. You will be gobsmacked with realization on Thursday: life will look rosy. Get a new pair of slippers and you will lose two pounds.
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