It is Toronto tradition. Yes. The people here would paint their skins blue, dye their hair red, and, launch raids into Ulster. For plunder. Of course, we do not do that any more. No, we go to the Eaton's Center.
Yes, it is funny. The plundering! People are always happy when they are plundering. Better than the white man's Christmas! But, the Toronto Scots, we do not do that any more. We keep the tradition alive by wearing tartans, eating shortbread, and, putting whiskey in breakfast oatmeal. Mmmm. Oatmeal!
When you wear tartan, it is to remind you of the sacrifice of your Scottish ancestors who would paint themselves blue and hide in a mud pit, breathing through a tube, and rise out of the muck to grapple with a passing Ulsterman. Shortbread is to remind you of the blue painted Scots who wait patiently in a tree to drop on unsuspecting passers by. They only had shortbread to eat while they waited. As for the tradition of whiskey, it is to remind the blue painted Scots of the difference between the whiskey oatmeal (which takes on the golden coloring of that elixir) and the 'thank you for open borders' yellow liquid oatmeal left in an empty, pillaged barn.
You should go to the Eaton's Center. It is like 800 A.D. all over again!
I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.
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