Horoscope for the week of November 26, 2023

My editor tells me I cannot talk about power struggles between the woke griftocracy and the resurgent military-industrial aristocracy.  Which makes sense.  You can read about these things after the fact.  I think he just wants to steer people to the pay site, where there is free speech, not like here.  Anyway, good luck to Charles III on his new adventure, and people will realize why that statue of Cromwell protecting Parliament from the Monarchy was there for a reason.  Your future is written in the stars ...

Aries:   In the distance you hear shouting:  Time to effect a decision: do you want a plantation lifestyle?   Follow up battalion duty suits you, until the spider mines start to crawl out of the ground.  An organ broker will seek you out with attractively priced boosted organs.   

Taurus:  Space aliens have sent advanced weapons to soften up Earth defenses before their main fleet arrives.  When you first become aware of this fact, you will be face to face with the space alien's diabolical spider mines.  There is more that one of them.  You will triumph in combat, Taurus!  

Gemini: They are burning Toronto.  What do I do?  You could ask AI.  Face it, you're through.  One of those four sentence figments is the voice word recognition key for an advanced alien technology, soon under your command!  Your quick mastery of alien tech will bring you spoils and pillage.  Stay upwind of magma showers.

Cancer:  You will be fully tuned in to the drama of a gun battle in the street, fought by real men, fighting some scoundrels.  You will enjoy watching.  You will feel refreshed and relaxed.  Practice wrapping a belt around your fists and punching walls and doors while saying, I am from Glasgow.  You will feel better.  You're welcome. 

Leo: Open submission to tyranny never went well with your breakfast, Leo.  Take advantage of in-store shopping bargains on Wednesday.  You will cast down a wrong doer and be filmed.  You will become a viral star.  Your life will be completely different.

Virgo: You have a secret itch in your private parts that will reoccur this week until late Saturday.  An ex-lover has placed a hex on you, but it can be lifted if you say the magic words, Canadians are worse.  They eat bacon only for lack of human flesh. You will know when. 

Libra: Time to stuff the escape bag with more money.  You will learn something when you do a practice bail out run on Tuesday afternoon.  You will thank yourself next week when you actually need to escape, but that is next week.  This week, there is jolly fun.  

Scorpio:  You can wallow in your own rich, creamy goodness this week, Scorpio.  On Tuesday, Thursday, and, late on Saturday, someone will confess to you that you were right all along.  

Sagittarius:  Unhealthy food choices refuse to remove themselves from your space.  You can cut up the pizza any way you want but that will not change the fact a step was left out in the synthesis of the cheese.  The pleasures of Victory are best sampled after the Victory.  

Capricorn:  The people in the basement certainly eat too much.  You reasoned arguments to their responsible care givers have fallen on deaf ears.  Fate intervenes Monday, at midnight.  Your alibi is air tight.  Feed wildlife a high protein food to help them prepare for winter. 

Aquarius:  Troubling external events will not disturb your tranquility this week to the extent you do not use the internet.  Tuesday at midnight, something that should disturb your tranquility, for real and not for woke,  will happen.  If you do not know what your subconscious already knows, you will find out. 

Pisces:  Wednesday, at noon, you are in danger of being inconvenienced by Mob action.  Hopefully, the guy in front of you is self-castrated and will not get out of his car and concuss the trendy protesters.  Waiting in line will mean waiting.  

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.  I care.