Quarantine Day 47.5

On day 21 of quarantine, I filled 36 baby jars with my own feces. I heard that if you drop a seed in a jar of your own feces, and then put that jar in your closet, when you take them out 26.5 days later, your vegetables will grow tall and have magic powers.



This is not true. It is not true at all. Not only didn't my vegetables grow tall, they died. And now my whole basement apartment smells like shit. Horrible horrible shit. And the dump is closed until further notice, so I'm stuck with 36 baby jars of maggot-filled feces. Why that old homeless dreg, Bill, told me that, I'll never know.

My fridge is making a terrible sound when the compressor turns on. It almost sounds like it's crying. It sounds so sad that it makes me sad. And when I get sad I get angry. And when I get angry I like to throw baby jars. And let me tell you, that did not work out well at all. I won't get into details, I'll just leave that right there for you.

I called the snitch line 750 times today. It's not my record, but it is my record while covered in shit.