Call 1- 800 U SNITCH

Kids, how would you like to earn an extra half hour of sunlight today and even get to play at the Mitchieville Wellness Park?

Fun? Wowzers!

How, you ask? Simple, if you have two ears, a mouth, and a phone, you're nearly there!

If mommy and daddy don't watch state-run Mitchieville Broadcasting System (MBS), chances are they are being fed a steady diet of fake news. Only MBS guarantees the truth, 150% of the time.

Has mommy or daddy ever mentioned this thing called *coronavirus*, and said it was a *Chinese disease*? If they have, that's fake news. And they're lying. You don't want mommy or daddy to lie, do you?

This is where you can help.

If you hear mommy or daddy, or for that matter, uncle or auntie, mention anything negative about our totally awesome government, or get upset at our totally amazing response to this *coronavirus* business, you need to call us fast!

For that matter, let us know when mommy and daddy are arguing, when they get upset, and even the naughty words they might say when they get angry. Grrrrrrrr.

With one phone call, we will make things better. We will talk to mommy and daddy and let them know that fake news is worse than the virus itself. Sure, the virus makes people drown in their own phlegm, and destroys their bodies until they are pretty much unrecognizable, but trust us, fake news is worse.

After calling, we will have a dedicated team of *listening professionals* come pick you up and bring you to Mitchieville Wellness Center*, where you can enjoy state-of-the-art, no-touch, contactless, cis-gender free playground.

Have an awesome time looking at, but not participating on, the amazing Jungle Gym/Jane. Check out, but don't touch the incredible Sammy the Slide. And enjoy a complimentary insect-based hamless burger and a sugar-free prune nectar. On us. Because we care.

Operators are standing by, we can't wait to hear from you!