Flattening Mitchieville's Curve

The Mayor is so happy to announce that due to the measures taken by Mitchievillian's against this horrible Wuhan Plague, we are finally seeing a flattening of *the curve*.



8 months ago when the population of Mitchieville were sent into quarantine (for your own good, don't ya know), we provided an estimate as part of our projections, as to how many people will get sick from the Wuhan and how many people will die. The Mayor is very, very happy to announce that our projections were off by 99.73 %. In other words, you have a pretty decent chance of not only NOT contracting this sort of fatal disease, but your chances of living are, well, really good.

The curve has been flattened. Not totally flattened, but a lot flatter than the fat part of the graph above. If you look at the middle of the graph, it looks to be fat. We are past the fat and into the flat. Not straight, dead flat, but flatter. Think of a car tire that is full of air, that's not us. Now think of that same tire that ran over a railroad spike and 92% of the air is out of that tire. That's more like us. Not completely flat, but really flat.

But we're not out of the woods yet, we have way more to do. There's a lot more social distancing to do. There is a ton of physical distancing to do. And there is a big load of social/physical distancing to do. It all needs to be done. Separate, and apart. Apart, and separate.

Without you staying in your homes, your tiny apartments, or even the underpass where many of you now live, we cannot beat this horrible and slightly nasty flu. Unlike other flu's, this one we're paying attention to. Unlike other flu's that kill many more people, this flu is kind of, sort or, a big, or possibly *biggish* deal.

And that's why The Mayor is asking you to stay indoors for another 3 months. We need you to stay off the streets, the sidewalks, the beach, and children need to stay off the playgrounds. Children are our future, you best not forget that.

Although we projected 742,000 illnesses, and 741,000 deaths, and even though so far we have had only 42 illnesses and 1 death, that does not take away the severity of this critical situation. What is a human life worth? 1.3 trillion Canadian dollars, apparently.

Please stay safe, please social distance. And in case you are not familiar with the term *social distance*, Mitchieville Public Broadcasting (MPB) will have a 2 hour documentary tonight (and every night for the next 3 months) to further inform you about this crucial term.

May God, any God but the Christian God, be with you all.

The Mayor