Aries: You power up this week with exalted action. As the week progresses, you will charge out in front of the nominal authority. Monday, around 4 pm, the mob advances in enlightenment, even without the crack of your whip on their backs. Thursday, you get to look backward to a task that has reappeared and is falling behind. It is a drain on your resources, of course.
Taurus: Space aliens figure prominently in your chart this week, Taurus. They may give off the impression that they are leaving, but that is all a lie. Keep your frustrations to your self as Thursday (Christmas) promises some extra terrestrial tech for you under the Christmas tree. One of those snow globes is really a soul containment device, which you can use to power your car. You choose the soul, tee hee!
Gemini: Two species of humans that you dislike are at odds with each other (go figure). At least after Thursday you get to enjoy schadenfreude again; which is to say you are witness to 'revenge' gifts which have nothing to do with you (you have an air tight alibi, Gemini) as either victim or designer.
Cancer: You have until Tuesday to get your secret underground lair ready for the rewards promised to you by The Prophecy. This will be a bitter sweet Christmas, your last before you ascend to your destiny as regional warlord. Get together those last trappings for your rule under the guise of 'Christmas shopping'.
Leo: A green satin push up bra figures prominently in your horoscope this week. Mind you, beware of the pinned on holly as it has prickles. You get to have a retro James Bond Christmas, so pack your pine scented riot spray, a lock pick for hand cuffs, and, some mad money for late night martini fun.
Virgo: You get to wallow in religious sentimentality this Christmas. If you have flash backs to the good old days under the militaristic secret society that are the followers of Mithras, well, good for you. These people need order and discipline, and in the new year you will get to stiffen their noodle like minds with your logic and crisp efficiency.
Libra: There will be a Christmas orgy this year, Libra, but not until the afternoon. Think of it as therapy. For the hesitant, steer them to the 'shared medications' room. Thank the Capricorn who brings the Lobotomyl drops. Your advice from your astrologer is this: have fun!
Scorpio: Expect to profit from others misfortune at least once this week, Scorpio. You are the adult in the room when it comes to first aid and giving a statement to the police. Someone else brings the Lobotomyl to the party, which works out just fine for polishing your respectable square image; at least until sunset when the orgy starts.
Sagittarius: The year of the evil genius starts when you press the start button, Sagittarius. You are the Big Chief. Have your signature ride made ready with some scented interior and stock up the hidden dispensers with bourbon, ice, and, depleted uranium rounds.
Capricorn: You feel like Napoleon watching the Austrian army march out onto the ice. Such beautiful uniforms; you can just hear the march music. Patience, Capricorn. The tempo picks up on Tuesday. Some wonderful presents will soften your heart and convince you that Total World Domination is more popular that you realize.
Aquarius: Sit back and blend in with the upholstery, Aquarius. The drama of human life is on display for your enlightenment and edification. You are the catalyst for several life changing, life improving episodes for little ones who have a profound future.
Pisces: Time travel into the past this week, Pisces. All it takes is sunset and a light heart. Your money goes real far. Catch a glimpse of what has been to give you and idea of what will become. For that matter, in the present, you will see your future self doing the same thing. You can figure it out.
I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.
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