Aries: Your plot comes to fruition on Wednesday with a lucky intervention by the authorities which ruins the efforts of any sort of counter coup. Think traffic stop or elevator malfunction. Take the spoils of war on Thursday, medieval rules in effect for the duration. Be cautious around electricity; expect a minion to fall to a booby trapped mechanical chicken de-boner.
Taurus: Get your shopping done before 2pm on Tuesday when the unwashed peasants turn up to put the mall to the sack. You will have the opportunity to beta test your latest electrical personal defense devices; always have suitable filters for the new gas the government is going to use on the looting hordes. Thursday at 2pm the fun stops, you will be impressed that your air conditioner easily scrubs the stench of burnt hair from the outside air.
Gemini: The spirit of the law and meddling moralists complicate your public moments until 2pm on Thursday when the angry mob demands that you do what you wanted to do. Expect angelic powers to obliterate those that oppose you, and, to do so in an entertaining way. Faithful followers will supply you with a souvenir video for you to enjoy in your lair.
Cancer: Put you efforts into finding the right place to buy the winning lottery ticket that has your name on it this week. The universe is full of distractions; Tuesday around 2pm garden implements manifest maximum danger: do not step on a rake, but, do have a good laugh when someone else sets themselves on fire by not following instructions.
Leo: While others are mired in the mud, take comfort in the knowledge that the mud has a healthy admixture of Elephant poop which makes the bemired more bouyant than say, regular mud. People will attempt to warm themselves in your aura. Tuesday afternoon, someone leaves the cover off their ant farm; you are the bemused observer, Leo.
Virgo: Pay attention to details in background on Wednesday as these facts will give you an advantage next week when the crisis hits. There is room for financial self aggrandizement, of course. Around 2pm on Thursday, a publically available software utility will become available for your plundering pleasures.
Libra: A world out of balance seeks to use you as a fulcrum in their quest for the normal. The week begins with opposition from unruly peasants, so expect no common sense in the supermarket check out line until Tuesday afternoon. There is smooth sailing until Friday when a debt is repaid (which is good) but using money from a questionable source.
Scorpio: A tranche of ever useful alien source phone apps comes into your possession this week on Tuesday at 2pm. Thursday at midnight Halloween comes again to your neighborhood, so have your costume ready for re-use. Channel your inner James Bond to keep others cool even as you take control of their appliances using your cell phone.
Sagittarius: Home and places close to rivers and small lakes are places of tranquility for you this week. Otherwise, obnoxious details and pedants dog your steps. On Wednesday, the War God shows up with some planning documents that require your attention. Have your high lighters handy, and score points by having some lead for the mechanical pencils in use.
Capricorn: Everything is going according to plan. Supernatural forces are gathering to effect the very changes you foresaw some months ago. While the week starts off with some disagreeable peasants blocking your path to bargains, as the week progresses these problems will be fed into the smelter. Wear gloves to handle the still hot ingots, Capricorn.
Aquarius: Space aliens figure prominently in your horoscope this week, Aquarius. You will discover a new source of entertainment on Tuesday; a new combination on Thursday opens up areas of friendship; and, a debt is retired Saturday, which is to say you will be invited to a sex tourist venue for an orgy.
Pisces: An old friend from the middle ages shows up this week. They have some old accounts to settle, but will not attempt to draw you into their ancient dispute concerning a wager over a recipe for pudding. You will get points for having a good supply of turnips handy.
I,Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.
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