Aries: At four in the afternoon on Wednesday, you arrive late to an angry mob scene. Your calm composure and proven good taste in fashion will win you some brownie points. Do not let anyone know that you do not know what is going on to maximize your luster. Remember, world domination begins at home.
Taurus: Your weekend debauchery will feature an amusingly drunk (er, stoned) time travelling sex tourist. Like the typical time travelling sex tourist, this one just shows up, has fun, and then just goes away. There are some mysterious substances left behind, which you should save for a rainy day, or rather, to aid your escape from a dark universe screen writer. You will know what I mean when it happens.
Gemini: Friday at sunrise there is a collision between an immovable force and an irresistible object. Only your sign is capable of comprehending the situation which involves nested paradoxes. Anyway, it is easily solved (like most paradoxes), through use of color coded paper clips and brute force. You are the master of chaos.
Cancer: Thursday and Friday, use your powerful mediation and visualization abilities to dissolve some problems in quicklime. Friday favors cutting problems up into pieces and feeding them to the, metaphorical, wolves of Odin. Happy doggie means problems be gone, eh Cancer? Other than that, tag along with Taurus for some weekend debauchery.
Leo: Somehow, some of your personal electronic devices have acquired strange and powerful apps and capabilities. Remember the underscore in the add_money command, summon rats is not a parking spot finder, and death ray is not a game. Think of the little people, they need good shoes to bring you that desert tray by the pool.
Virgo: Accelerating rates of continental drift casts a shadow over your liege lord's five year plan. Inquiries into age age insurance will run nowhere, and run nowhere fast. Best to stick to asteroid impact preparations. Start with Lake Erie, and look for the high water mark in Caledon; your real estate professional with thank you.
Libra: New standards of exaltation for the next two thousand years are on display all around you, Libra. Just reach out and grab the wonder. Yes, you can have a gilded muscle cuirass, or boob armor. Perhaps some titanium is called for.
Scorpio: The People receive a wake up call around four o'clock Wednesday, and by midnight Wednesday the 'medicine that tastes bad' that is needed will come to you by indirect association. On the personal level, your place in the matrix is one of suggestion by thought and subtle actions. Maybe rearrange your desk, or sneak off to read a spy novel.
Sagittarius: Acts of kindness by people motivated by spiritual values will give you insight into a problem floating off in the periphery. Obstacles are only there this week to give you time to become stronger, more agile, and, well, just darn impressive! You can reap more than you expect with re-gifting.
Capricorn: The sun moving into your sign means things get moving again, Capricorn. For the next two thousand years will you mark a date this week as the start of your acquisition of occult powers. Apply your standards of perfection to yourself first, and develop indirect methods of motivation.
Aquarius: Terrible things in the news will give you pause to reconsider your outer level methods of herding cats and humans. The answers will come to you around Wednesday when you comprehend the Santa for the Aquarian Age. The alliance between evil religion and evil justice turns to conflict of incompetence. You have the answer, prepare to descend the mountain and just be you.
Pisces: You will be safe and distant from the horrible events that happen around Wednesday, which is still called Christmas. No batteries for the kids toys, the new device that hijacks the air conditioning, and, bug spray that does not work. Santa has a new nature for the next two thousand years. He still brings presents, and he still has a list (which he checks twice), but he has nifty body armor too. This will make sense to you, after the egg nog.
No comments:
Post a Comment