Squatter Therapy

Many of my paying readers have asked the same question: "Fenris, how do the squatters get into the house in the first place? How do they get in to change the door locks in under ten minutes?" This is a good question. The answer I was told was tunneling. This explains why I have been allowing the theme of tunneling into so much of my other, unrelated, writing. I am around so much tunneling activity that the sights and smells of tunneling have surfaced up from my subconscious. I was just in the nearby Dupont tunnel. It is now a brewery. An undocumented brewery.

It is very nice down in the Dupont tunnel. There is a wide stairway in a boutique tavern that just keeps going down. Seven irregular flights of stairs. David and Lisa have owned the place on the surface since 2000. It wasn't making enough money, so they decided to supply their own liquor and spirits. Lisa is fluent in Mandarin, so it was easy to order the special equipment and exotic chemicals they needed. David was one of the first to buy a Scotchmaker Aurora. He turned to bootlegging of fake scotch single malts to keep himself in fast cars and movie pop corn. 

David and Lisa thought their neighbors were too nosy. Through a shared friend in their faith group, The Cult of Set, The Snake God, they discovered a service provider that could help them find a path of healing and reconciliation. It is heartwarming to know that there are caring people out there, eager to help you find financial aggrandizement, with a spiritual twist. Each one, helps one, is one of their chants! For David and Lisa, the invisible hand was the helping hand of a caring company, Squatter Rescue. 

This sort of good luck only comes rarely! The nosy neighbor had gone to buy some onions for some sauce she had started on the stove. We could hear her from the tunnel (an adit, as they say in tunneling lingo). In only a few minutes, a hole large enough to allow Fast Eddie out to open the locked doors from the inside was made. Even the sluggish Jim was able to change the lock to the back door within the ten minute goal set by Corporate. Fast Eddie was rewarded with a pack of cigarettes. 

If you wish to imagine what a tunnel is like, go to one of the many building supply mall outlets near you. There you will find the lighting fixtures, faucets, mirrors, and, kitchen sinks common to the tunnels under Toronto. 

As for David and Lisa's nosy neighbor, she moved into a hotel at first. She paid a thousand dollars for her dog, and went back to Brampton after she got bedbugs in a hotel. She was gone long enough for the hoarding to be put up around what had been her house. Condemned with bedbugs. Underneath, a black market brewery. Thanks to Squatter Rescue, Commerce, and, Industry!

* Discerning fake liquor makers all rave about the Scotchmaker Aurora design. Compact and resilient in stainless steel with serpentine accents, capable of batch or continuous flow!