Aries: Around 9pm Sunday you will get to prove to yourself what you said was true about how you would deal with protesters blocking the path of your snow plow. Remember, the wood chipper you are towing might affect your traction. You get to try it all again around 6am next Saturday. Midweek promises an orgy by firelight with the old gang from college.
Taurus: The week starts off with you winning big with some investments: cash out quickly to avoid politically motivated tax persons who are themselves only a step ahead of vengeful normals. Wednesday finds you relaxing at a traditional 'two genders' orgy; if you last out until Friday, you will receive investment advice that will lead you to the retirement bunker of your dreams.
Gemini: An invitation to go parachuting on Tuesday leads rather predictably to your being caught up in international naval warfare. Your proven record of naval victories in past lives has caught up with you as the Archons need a ringer. Signed and stamped orders are what make the heels click and the wheels roll for victory. You will triumph.
Cancer: International conflict casts a shadow over your bargain hunting for perishable fruits this week, with a pleasant reprieve Wednesday and Thursday. Nobody will suspect that you pushed the most annoying person into the offoce airlock on Friday, so much so that you will find all their id, passwords, and, gym bag of escape money, waiting just where you thought it would be. Next week: go shopping for new shoes!
Leo: You will discover that your favorite computer game contains back door codes to control human behavior, put money in your bank account, and, manipulate the weather. Do not waste your breath trying to communicate this to people; they will not comprehend. It is your secret.
Virgo: Your doppelganger has been busy wreaking horrible revenge upon your enemies, but you have an alibi; infact, nobody even thinks it was you, or someone that looks like you (but has a more menacing taste in clothes and hairstyle).
Scorpio: A secret society with connections to extra terrestrial marketing interests has noticed your familiarity with Quantum mechanics. On Wednesday, expect an operative to appear with strange familiarity with the time manipulation capability of the Rubics cube to influence shopping decisions.
Sagittarius: After 7am on Tuesday you will have powers drawn from the pages of pulp science fiction of the 1920's. You know what I mean. Firm up your command of pleasing hors d'oeuvres on Wednesday and be the star of the mid week office party. Travel back in time to evaluate for yourself classic 1950's society, then make your decision, for you are the law giver this week Sagittarius.
Capricorn: You have one last week to finalize your plans for space colonization. A computer game you enjoy is really an economy design tool from an advanced extraterrestrial civilization. Keep those cheat codes to yourself.
Aquarius: Getting stuff done is what you will do this week, Aquarius. Obstacles to your legendary efficiency will find themselves assigned to the Asbestos mines as cafeteria workers. Wednesday, a distraction goes away, but with financial benefits to yourself. You will find the forgotten recipe to the worlds best date squares in a book.
Pisces: A final debt from a past life is paid in full this week, Pisces. Keep some Monopoly money handy as the symbolic gesture is what they are looking for. A secret society has been irritated by the same things you have, but their methods of solving the problem involve a sinkhole and a cataclysmic sewer backflow. Have your cell phone camera ready for use and you could go viral.
I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.
No comments:
Post a Comment