Aries: You are pretty much left alone until dual situations erupt after sunset on Thursday. Social media will invite you into a co-dependent relationship which only seems to serve people who are unbalanced by ... social media. Technology that serves the plutocracy will find its way into your hands.
Taurus: Wednesday your experiences at your favorite shopping mall will be negative when an unruly flash mob descends and sacks several of your favorite stores. This will trigger some past life memories of Scottish raids on your livestock. You can take precautions, of course. Paint your skin blue with woad and have a selection of bagpipe melodies ready for your bluetooth.
Gemini: Time travelers figure prominently in your horoscope this week, Gemini. Your ability to direct printers and database file sharing with telekinesis will come to your awareness. The social unrest that erupts on Friday will prove to your advantage as the time traveler in your midst will pass you a collection of useful software tools from the future age of Elvis.
Cancer: Best get all your provisions in before Tuesday at midnight as that is when Festival starts. Mind you, your capacity for schadenfreude will prove entertaining as you recognize the various debris fields and smoldering wrecks on your commute. Your past life memories of the rabies epidemic of 1322 in Westphalia will be triggered. Remember, you cannot set boundaries with someone foaming at the mouth.
Leo: Your subconscious planning for Total World Domination gets a boost with a pleasant discovery at your public library. Good thing you have a library card, Leo! Monday morning starts off with a pleasant breakfast, which is foreshadowing of the future paradise to come under your regime. If people want to spontaneously combust, let them.
Virgo: Distractions continue until Thursday, when the realization that you are being prepared for your role as Tribune of the Revolution comes to the forefront of your consciousness. Sea battles figure prominently towards the end of the week, but being given the command of a ship that sank at its berth is not the recognition you are due. That comes next week, when meritocracy returns.
Libra: Your neighborhood erupts in conflict as reactionaries take on elitists. The bullshit flows deep, but it does wonders for gardening and sweeping away eye sores. Best advice is to keep your focus on home and community. The madness will pass and only has the illusion of permanence.
Scorpio: Making money is really secondary to having objects that make your happy, is this not true Scorpio? Several opportunities to obtain objects that give you joy will happen this week. These will take the form of new tech, and the crumbling of buildings. Think real estate opportunities and a cell phone app that makes you money.
Sagittarius: Unlike the scenes you see on your television, you are surrounded by good people on Monday and Tuesday. Get your shopping and errands done on those days, Sagittarius. You will be invited to drive the escape car for a bank robbery on Thursday, so have some fast banjo music queued up on your sound system. As for the orgy in the hallway of the motel, just tell yourself it is a symptom of the Syphilis.
Capricorn: Things you have been held back from all your life will we offered to you this week, Capricorn. You will be contacted by time travelers on Wednesday and invited to join the crew of their research colony. As for the social chaos that is sweeping like a tsunami across the planet, well, they asked for it, eh? Someone has to pick up the pieces, and if one of those pieces is an original Renoir, then it belongs in your lair.
Aquarius: Review the movies of Audrey Hepburn for insight into the present situation. You need to design a decent logo for your movement; but do not worry about uniforms as there is a cell phone app for that. You do realize that establishing new boundaries for the Aquarian Age is your job. Get to work.
Pisces: You can be practical and dreamy at the same time. It is a requirement, actually, for you Pisces. In a world without the limitations that shackled the past, you will find your past life memories of the Devonian period the best guide. Remember how happy plants were to develop roots? The time is now to visualize the future and use your supernatural powers to make it so. Enjoy.
I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.
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