Horoscope for the week of December 28, 2025

Aries: You are a welcome ally in a conflict with the low trust mob this week, Aries. Expect to feel the satisfaction that comes from clothes lining a fleeing shoplifter, but remember to apply your ghetto conflict skills and watch behind your back for a loud blubber person in league with the stunned person in need of dental reconstruction surgery at your feet. Monday at 6pm the arena changes to the open road when your dash cam captures some viral video of an ability challenged transport driver unleashed on an unsuspecting public.

Taurus: Your dragon horde is quite safe, but you do have some lingering concerns when 10am Monday rolls around and you are moved to make a deposit of treasure. The best way to handle a problem is to cut it up into pieces. Do this with a song in your heart and you will not over feed the sausage machine of reason. Others prefer the wood chipper of AI, but there is the craftsman satisfaction in the motion of iron and steel to shape matter. 

Gemini: You have an opportunity to make a quick buck in the shrunken head market this week which will complement your internet marketing skills.  Thursday at noon a collision of restraining forces frees you up to do what you want, so be quick and get it done before the smell of burning wreckage is gone from the air. 

Cancer: A well thought out plan to prepare another storage tunnel in your vast underground bunker complex yields a discovery of a forgotten stockpile of toilet paper and toothpaste. This mystery will unfold over the weeks to come. 

Leo: Visualize yourself as being under the direction of a strict abbot.  There is a spiritual strategy to the mundane tactics you are being exposed to. If you have the patience, discern the simmering conflict amongst your opponents. Keep fresh batteries in your Geiger counter. 

Virgo:  Spontaneous human combustion will happen to a stranger on Tuesday, so steer the people you care about away from questionable electrical devices and newly installed fare collection portals on public transit. 

Libra: You are the brains of Victory this week, Libra. Your minions are in the front rank and are compelled by your will. The mob responds to your unspoken suggestions on Tuesday. Noon, Thursday, distribute the spoils to your followers and plant the seeds of future advancement.

Scorpio: Useful space alien technology comes into your control this week Scorpio. There are additional applications that can be turned to financial gain and relationship rewards at your finger tips. Watch from the sidelines on Tuesday as the mob clears your path.

Sagittarius: You are due to make a huge gain from overlooked assets this week. Tuesday, you will find a horde of silver. The letter of the law suits your purpose and advances your spirit of the law agenda.  Victory at sea is forecast for your fleet.

Capricorn: Make a purposeful advance from your secure place and bask in the adoration of others. Silence is strength, but your observations will reinforce your self confidence. The spirit of Elvis is with you. Go clothes shopping.

Aquarius: A space alien derived software utility has installed itself on your phone. It has an agenda of romance for you, which could lead to great bargains in food shopping and notions for the home.

Pisces: A sinkhole swallows a rival. You have a mass and momentum advantage driving in fog, and the unwise cyclists who appear in your path will only end up in Valhalla because of past efforts. 

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.

Horoscope for the week of December 21, 2025

 

Aries:  You power up this week with exalted action.  As the week progresses, you will charge out in front of the nominal authority.  Monday, around 4 pm, the mob advances in enlightenment, even without the crack of your whip on their backs.  Thursday, you get to look backward to a task that has reappeared and is falling behind.  It is a drain on your resources, of course.

Taurus: Space aliens figure prominently in your chart this week, Taurus. They may give off the impression that they are leaving, but that is all a lie. Keep your frustrations to your self as Thursday (Christmas) promises some extra terrestrial tech for you under the Christmas tree. One of those snow globes is really a soul containment device, which you can use to power your car. You choose the soul, tee hee!

Gemini: Two species of humans that you dislike are at odds with each other (go figure). At least after Thursday you get to enjoy schadenfreude again; which is to say you are witness to 'revenge' gifts which have nothing to do with you (you have an air tight alibi, Gemini) as either victim or designer.  

Cancer: You have until Tuesday to get your secret underground lair ready for the rewards promised to you by The Prophecy.  This will be a bitter sweet Christmas, your last before you ascend to your destiny as regional warlord. Get together those last trappings for your rule under the guise of 'Christmas shopping'. 

Leo: A green satin push up bra figures prominently in your horoscope this week. Mind you, beware of the pinned on holly as it has prickles. You get to have a retro James Bond Christmas, so pack your pine scented riot spray, a lock pick for hand cuffs, and, some mad money for late night martini fun.

Virgo: You get to wallow in religious sentimentality this Christmas. If you have flash backs to the good old days under the militaristic secret society that are the followers of Mithras, well, good for you. These people need order and discipline, and in the new year you will get to stiffen their noodle like minds with your logic and crisp efficiency. 

Libra: There will be a Christmas orgy this year, Libra, but not until the afternoon. Think of it as therapy. For the hesitant, steer them to the 'shared medications' room.  Thank the Capricorn who brings the Lobotomyl drops.  Your advice from your astrologer is this: have fun!

Scorpio: Expect to profit from others misfortune at least once this week, Scorpio. You are the adult in the room when it comes to first aid and giving a statement to the police.  Someone else brings the Lobotomyl to the party, which works out just fine for polishing your respectable square image; at least until sunset when the orgy starts. 

Sagittarius: The year of the evil genius starts when you press the start button, Sagittarius. You are the Big Chief.  Have your signature ride made ready with some scented interior and stock up the hidden dispensers with bourbon, ice, and, depleted uranium rounds. 

Capricorn: You feel like Napoleon watching the Austrian army march out onto the ice.  Such beautiful uniforms; you can just hear the march music. Patience, Capricorn.  The tempo picks up on Tuesday.  Some wonderful presents will soften your heart and convince you that Total World Domination is more popular that you realize. 

Aquarius: Sit back and blend in with the upholstery, Aquarius. The drama of human life is on display for your enlightenment and edification.  You are the catalyst for several life changing, life improving episodes for little ones who have a profound future. 

Pisces: Time travel into the past this week, Pisces. All it takes is sunset and a light heart. Your money goes real far.  Catch a glimpse of what has been to give you and idea of what will become.  For that matter, in the present, you will see your future self doing the same thing.  You can figure it out. 

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this.  I care.