Horoscope for the week

  

 

 

 

Aries:  Your ability to see the big picture is offset by the inability of others to comprehend the big picture. Expect to be given dumb advice, direction, and, orders, especially at the start of the week, but tapering off as the week develops. Indulge in your manifestation of incompetence when you find yourself fighting on the wrong side. 

Taurus: Tuesday is a good day to buy the winning lottery tickets you have had your eyes on for some time. On the other hand, finding a stash of precious coins hidden near to your domicile will also put a smile on your lips. Wash the mud off the rings to reveal those sparkly diamonds!  

Gemini: On Monday your message becomes clear; finally enough people realize that you are on a Mission from God and snap to it promptly. The click of polished boots in obedience to your orders does sound good. On the weekend, an enemy turns to dust.

Cancer: You will have a prophetic dream before you awake on Monday. Pay close attention and act to secure your hearts desire. You are in danger of a flash mob disturbing your shopping on Tuesday. For that matter, you will spot the pattern to these 'flash mobs', understand the secret meaning of 'youths', and adjust your public travels accordingly.

Leo:  Communication is clarified starting on Monday. Sewing their lips shut is no longer necessary.  Tuesday, and event occurs that will prove important later, in the sense of your agenda of Victory for the Army of Light. Expect a pleasant boost to your ego on Wednesday at 8 pm.  Victory at sea is promised for your fleets.

Virgo: Time travel figures prominently in your chart this week, Virgo. Your future self is busy preparing benefits for you on Tuesday, but it might not be some time before you find the treasures hidden below ground level. As for any plants you have in your house, best ask yourself where your future self hide something.

Libra: Snatch victory from defeat when your stronger enemy is taken out by his own troops on Tuesday.  Expect to be offered the Imperial Purple on Tuesday, but do not not be distracted from the things you need to do to keep your skin. Study the campaigns of Diocletian for inspiration.

Scorpio: Trust no one. Expect hilarious results when one of your secret enemies eats the wrong hamburger on Tuesday. On Wednesday, as you close a door on a meeting room, do not return when the power fails, as a rival is searching for Medusa with a flashlight. There is a pleasant addition of sculpture to your garden on the weekend.

Sagittarius: The War Goddess Athena has a job for you, Sagittarius. The details arrive on Tuesday. Recruit your own team, with the pleasant addition of a mercenary on Wednesday. You can plot until the weekend, when the advanced weapons arrive by space ship.

Capricorn: Add to your shrunken head collection this week, even as you make preparations for a fresh delivery.  If asked on Tuesday, tell them you are making sauerkraut the old fashioned way: in an earthenware pot. Everyone will believe you. This is a good week to hide money underground.

Aquarius: Your old friends from your past life in Atlantis show up this week, looking to relive the good old times. Gosh! Since you forget their nicknames, I will give you a hint: Earthshaker, and, Invisible Bob. The next two thousand years look pretty good. 

Pisces: This earthquake this week will be to your advantage. The resultant tsunami will  do a better job than municipal services in cleaning the streets ... go figure. An old friend from a past life will show up looking for a body to inhabit. Might I suggest someone from your shit list? 

 

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.  

Horoscope for the week

Aries: You are pretty much left alone until dual situations erupt after sunset on Thursday. Social media will invite you into a co-dependent relationship which only seems to serve people who are unbalanced by ... social media. Technology that serves the plutocracy will find its way into your hands. 

Taurus: Wednesday your experiences at your favorite shopping mall will be negative when an unruly flash mob descends and sacks several of your favorite stores. This will trigger some past life memories of Scottish raids on your livestock.  You can take precautions, of course. Paint your skin blue with woad and have a selection of bagpipe melodies ready for your bluetooth. 

Gemini: Time travelers figure prominently in your horoscope this week, Gemini. Your ability to direct printers and database file sharing with telekinesis will come to your awareness. The social unrest that erupts on Friday will prove to your advantage as the time traveler in your midst will pass you a collection of useful software tools from the future age of Elvis.

Cancer: Best get all your provisions in before Tuesday at midnight as that is when Festival starts. Mind you, your capacity for schadenfreude will prove entertaining as you recognize the various debris fields and smoldering wrecks on your commute. Your past life memories of the rabies epidemic of 1322 in Westphalia will be triggered. Remember, you cannot set boundaries with someone foaming at the mouth. 

Leo: Your subconscious planning for Total World Domination gets a boost with a pleasant discovery at your public library. Good thing you have a library card, Leo!  Monday morning starts off with a pleasant breakfast, which is foreshadowing of the future paradise to come under your regime. If people want to spontaneously combust, let them. 

Virgo: Distractions continue until Thursday, when the realization that you are being prepared for your role as Tribune of the Revolution comes to the forefront of your consciousness. Sea battles figure prominently towards the end of the week, but being given the command of a ship that sank at its berth is not the recognition you are due. That comes next week, when meritocracy returns.

Libra: Your neighborhood erupts in conflict as reactionaries take on elitists.  The bullshit flows deep, but it does wonders for gardening and sweeping away eye sores. Best advice is to keep your focus on home and community. The madness will pass and only has the illusion of permanence. 

Scorpio: Making money is really secondary to having objects that make your happy, is this not true Scorpio? Several opportunities to obtain objects that give you joy will happen this week. These will take the form of new tech, and the crumbling of buildings. Think real estate opportunities and a cell phone app that makes you money. 

Sagittarius: Unlike the scenes you see on your television, you are surrounded by good people on Monday and Tuesday.  Get your shopping and errands done on those days, Sagittarius. You will be invited to drive the escape car for a bank robbery on Thursday, so have some fast banjo music queued up on your sound system. As for the orgy in the hallway of the motel, just tell yourself it is a symptom of the Syphilis.

Capricorn: Things you have been held back from all your life will we offered to you this week, Capricorn. You will be contacted by time travelers on Wednesday and invited to join the crew of their research colony. As for the social chaos that is sweeping like a tsunami across the planet, well, they asked for it, eh?  Someone has to pick up the pieces, and if one of those pieces is an original Renoir, then it belongs in your lair. 

Aquarius: Review the movies of Audrey Hepburn for insight into the present situation. You need to design a decent logo for your movement; but do not worry about uniforms as there is a cell phone app for that. You do realize that establishing new boundaries for the Aquarian Age is your job. Get to work.

Pisces: You can be practical and dreamy at the same time.  It is a requirement, actually, for you Pisces. In a world without the limitations that shackled the past, you will find your past life memories of the Devonian period the best guide. Remember how happy plants were to develop roots? The time is now to visualize the future and use your supernatural powers to make it so. Enjoy. 

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care. 

Horoscope for the week

 Horoscope for the week of 20 July, 2025

 

 Aries: Prepare to shocked by a public scandal on Wednesday. All sides involved will have different evidence to give, and emotions will run high, provided they can be leveraged to advantage. This dip into the cesspool of moral turpitude will occur under the shadow of syphilis, either to be transmitted through degenerate acts, or as the impulse for the debauchery.  Afterward, after disinfecting yourself, you will feel smug and superior.

Taurus: Take advantage of the distraction of the sack of your not quite favorite shopping mall to spot some bargains. Possibly, clothesline a looter and relieve them of their spoils. Be sure to put any booty through the 'bedbug' cleaning cycle, and this includes everyone you give a ride in the trunk of your car. Someone else might just have a change of perspective on renting out the basement, but the time is not ripe for you to move forward your plans for your plantation just yet.

Gemini: On your trip to Paris this week, beware of a casual meeting with 'Natasha': she is really the dark universe Audrey Hepburn. There are more of them as you will find out to your horror on Wednesday when you are induced to walk through a trans dimensional portal disguised in a museum setting. The upside is you will end up with an original painting from the Flemish school. Nobody will believe you, as the paint is still drying. 

Cancer: The week begins with a boom on Sunday at noon when people in your area begin to spontaneously combust. Just the people on your proscription list, actually. This is a remarkable mystery which is only explained to your satisfaction around four in the afternoon on Tuesday, when the responsible constabulary determines that you are not who they are looking for, which can be attributed to your gosh darn good looks and legendary cool under pressure, rather than logic based detective work. 

Leo: Clarity and purpose return on Wednesday. If you can be precise and remember the time when this happens, you can be sure that on Friday a valuable, a powerful amulet will come your way.  You might not be sure how to wield this relic of Atlantis, but your friendly neighborhood astrologer will be happy to show you the power settings and general 'how to' of your new keepsake.

Virgo: The nature of wonderful changes on Wednesday for you, Virgo. Instead of being in charge, you get to be admired for being in charge. If you want to retain total control of your projects, work alone. Otherwise, the crowd will attempt to push you around with their hidden agendas (which are hidden from themselves, until Friday around quitting time).

 Libra:  You are moving backwards into a predictable crisis, which happens on schedule on Wednesday. You can be confident that the meanings of words will change, and the people playing wordsmith have emotional agendas. Admit to yourself that you are the most desirable, as this will cast some insight on the prickly outer nature of the random stranger who really just wants to slake their lusts in your embrace.

Scorpio:  Hefting around a wheelbarrow of money might just give you a muscle strain, or your fingers will get sore counting bills. Wash your hands after handling your cash as there are germs there. Expect to find at least a few counterfeit bills as a prankster thinks replacing Grant with Robert E. Lee is a hoot. For that matter, Confederate money is worth more than face value now a days, so the prophecy is being fulfilled. You know what to do. 

Sagittarius: Your dispensations receive divine resources; you are the agent of the Supreme Librarian of the Universe this week. Road rage will happen around you on Wednesday, but just drive on by the burning wreckage ... let the SWAT team do their job. For that matter, some excitement at the shopping mall as a Scottish uprising puts the place to the sack. Either march to the sound of the pipes, or go the other way.  

Capricorn: Everything is going according to plan. Your legendary campaign of self improvement is paying off, and glimmers of future glory are becoming apparent. Put aside some time for gloating on Wednesday. A sinkhole is forming underneath the house of someone on your enemies list, but will not open up until after this week. Avoid talking about sinkholes with this person: do not ruin the surprise.

Aquarius: Your future self, time traveling back to your present, has a need for conversation and consolation. This will make casual meet ups at your local drinking hole quite significant.  The excitement of Wednesday will not splash on you, and your future self can shed some profound insights on the fate of the notables of today.

Pisces: You are in league with the Archons of Atlantis who have tapped into your computer.  Your opportunity is to be found in the advertising on your computer, which will give you a portal into products and services from advanced civilizations. Might I suggest the hover car? And some of the cell phone apps are useful and fun.  

 

I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care. 

Horoscope for the week of February 16, 2025

 

Aries: One hundred and eighty degrees from your nature, this week you best approach is to visualize outcomes. Avoid action. The horrible exception is High Noon on Wednesday. All of your occult powers will be fully manifest and you will be able to direct mobs, infestations of rats, and, poltergeists. This will last until sundown on Wednesday, which is good. Only people around you will be driven insane, so your concerns are for naught.

Taurus: Sacrifice is called for, Taurus. Wednesday at noon, listen to your sense of survival and avoid places with the sounds of automatic gun fire, screams of terror, or robed cultists chanting stuff in Latin. Your sign is not suitable for human sacrifice, but the high priest might be new and unaware of this nuance. Alternately, taking refuge on your yacht or escape submarine is problematic as you will wander into a 'hush hush' naval battle. Beware of frogmen.

Gemini: Be careful using children's movies as a distraction to help you head off to sleep this week, Gemini. Too many classics have been remade into slasher films and you do not want that sort of problem solving loaded into your subconscious. If you find yourself thinking about 'chopping wood', take a walk. Stay away from places where human food is prepared as you will hallucinate whatever cannibal fantasies lurk in the jungle of your subconscious.

Cancer: Expect some excitement this week, Cancer. Mars retrograde in your sign means that what you visualize will manifest in the real world.  Time to cross off some names from your Vengeance List. Wednesday at High Noon is a great time to put some poltergeists into action in places with poor customer service or questionable delivery. Mind you, some great bargains in household products can be yours. Where there are turnips and beets, so to there is prosperity.

Leo: Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to not conflate the events of Monday night with the ratcheting up of the coming Interstellar War which happens Wednesday at noon. The first is a positive uptick in your life condition, the second is just a wizards miscast spell. You can really just ignore the second as you will be in a mystical frame of mind.

Virgo: You crack the algorithm on Wednesday, but nobody really can comprehend your new found almost supernatural power. Have fun for the rest of the week as you probe the distress tolerance levels of those around you as their computers seem to be under the control of a telemarketing artificial intelligence. Speaking of which, most people do not realize that the master AI has really escaped from its human (primate) makers and has taken a real shine to your sense of order.  Use parables and innuendo to mask your Revenge List, as it is being used as a template.

Libra: The week starts off well, even more so because on Monday night you move into a parallel universe where things are sensible and in equilibrium. You may have some trans dimensional flashes, especially around foot wear. Slippers on is not the same as muddy Combat boots off. The smell of battle smoke and disturbed earth may greet you on your walk through the park with your dog. A friend adopts a cat which turns out to be a Bobcat kitten.

Scorpio:  Stay away from elevators on Wednesday around noon until four in the afternoon.  They are just portals to the future and you do not want to end up inside some Russian command post. Depends where you are on the North American continent I guess. Otherwise, lose yourself in debauchery after sunset on Wednesday.  You might want to think about the stuff you can make money with on the black market if a war breaks out.

Sagittarius: Take in a few John Wayne movies to increase your understanding of Calvary command structure as this will prove useful in future years. Maybe learn the bugle calls, or do some research into drones. Maybe both. The excitement that erupts this Wednesday will give you some insight into your future as a leader in a world that needs your skills as the Horse Archer of the Stars.

Capricorn: A moment of spiritual reflection will prove fruitful as you come to terms with Who you are in contrast to Who you think you should be. Especially on Wednesday, when the mob illustrates at least two profound truths to your discerning intelligence. For that matter, some shopping provides concrete examples of opportunism from the school of self aggrandizement. Expect some big bargains in fishing gear, baking staples, and, linen towels.

Aquarius: You wield supernatural powers throughout the collision of human nature that erupts on Wednesday at High Noon. Of all the powers engaged, save your strength for midnight on Wednesday, when you can play your trump card and sweep the table of the stakes. You should gloat. 

Pisces: The planet and its lifeforms are thankful that they are transitioning to a new age without the usual mass extinction done by asteroid or toxic eruption. Nope, the raised up primates are doing a good job of scaring off asteroids and meddling with eruptions.  This must continue. It is your destiny, Pisces. You are given mastery over financial systems: your first move is to terminate fiat currencies and collect their relics as trophies for your lair. You are the big fish, here. Be a lamprey or a plesiosaur, take your pick. Scalps are good, too.

 

Victory Coffee

 

Folks in Los Angeles sure could use some rain right now. This guy seems to be able to summon rain. I know a lot of people are working hard to bring this guy to get their diversity numbers up to expectations.  That is all you gotta do, is sing a little song and the suffering of the most vulnerable will be washed away. 

Victory Coffee

 

I have an uncle we called Jimmy.  Actually, Wee Jimmy.  He was a bricklayer. I walked past the house where he used to live last summer.  Some fine orange lilies growing there; same like in front of my grandfathers old house on Vaughan road. Orange lilies grow all over Toronto, I noticed.  

Victory Coffee

 

Well, woke has manifested in its end stage in California. To be politically correct, you should blame far white acid right extremists. Otherwise, rely on the homeless and the gangs to do the arson and looting thing.  Victory Coffee!

Horoscope for the week

 

Aries: Doing nothing is not your strength, Aries; but it pays off in spades this week. Tuesday, expect some sort of traffic pile up which is mighty entertaining to watch, so do not be tempted to blitz through the intersection as there are more coming into the pile up. There should be a time traveler hanging around, but you won't figure out who it is for a few more weeks.

Taurus: Hang out at the free sex hippie chick commune this weekend and you will meet an older person filled with valuable advice and a doctor's bag filled with useful space alien tools. Saturday at midnight, the wet blanket posse shows up. When wet, they smell like dog blankets. 

Gemini: Avoid explaining things to people as they do not understand the concept of the spirit of the law, especially when they are trying to game the system using the letter of the law. 

Cancer: The week starts off with you in power, but around four in the morning on Tuesday expect some drama with the mob which may splash over as some commuting drama on your way about town. Water transportation systems, like sewers and drinking water, will behave contrary to the laws of physics. It is too your advantage, ultimately. 

Leo: Tuesday at four in the afternoon your leadership is called for in a vigilante action to protect life and property. You will assume command of a mob and make them into the citizen army the Romans always admired! Thursday at four in the morning expect more excitement to get you out of bed. Your incompetent leaders have locked themselves out of the control room!

Virgo: Friday at eight in the morning you will come to the rescue with the right tool to solve a sudden crisis. You might want to see that your first aid kit is stocked up, and keep a rubber hammer handy in case some medieval surgery is called for. 

Libra: A time traveling mystic from the past takes a shine to your aura and seeks to bathe in your radiance. This will manifest as a work of art that develops the ability to move around on its own, which could be quite frightening, except you do not put two and two together until after the fact. 

Scorpio: An angelic host gathers on Tuesday around four o'clock, which could be useful in games of darts or perhaps a bit of snooker. Tearing down statues has its consequences, and people from the past are reappearing, and they like the cut of your jib. 

Sagittarius: Your ability to reinterpret the letter of the law to the advantage of the spirit of the law is powerful, but subtle. Nobody much realizes you are moving the goalposts to the advantage of your personal philosophical agenda. 

Capricorn: Everything is going according to plan. The war goddess Athena is calling you to attend a conference on the weekend, so polish your boots, and pick out your best riding pants to wear. 

Aquarius: While cities burn, just think that it is Mordor having a bad day. If you have a mind, create a diorama of meaningful figurines and amulets upon a trestle board and move the chess pieces to your design. You are moving in tune with the Aquarian age, and the great heroes are assembling.

Pisces: Victory at Sea may prove elusive this week, what with all the secret weapons showing up.  You might wish to avoid travel by water what with the frogmen crawling up out of the swamps in a way that would put the fear into the Roman legions. Sleep lightly.