Aries: Despite the angry mob (which you escape with your legendary guile) on Tuesday, Wednesday proves to be an auspicious day for advancement of your fame and reputation. I know that there are things you need to know. This week, you will be transformed to want to know the things you need to know. Look to comic books and old movies for enlightenment.
Taurus: There is a great big beautiful tomorrow for you Taurus in the twenty first century. The future is already here, for the most part. You will discover one of those big pottery ash trays that people used to keep on their coffee tables in the 1950's. It is really an alien artifact, and emits an energy ray auspicious for your enlightenment.
Gemini: You should brush up your knowledge about encryption using one time pads. It will come up during casual conversation at the office kitchenette; having an opinion about the Cambridge 'Ring of Five' will pay off in spades. You never know who is listening really, but in this case it is a well financed organization looking for talents just like you, Gemini! Expect the unexpected, you will obtain enlightenment.
Cancer: Your reasonable fears of space invasion by intelligent insects can now be laid aside, Cancer. Look at all the loot you have collected to deal with this now past problem. Impressive. Also, your preparations for Total War, can now be repurposed into some elegant leisure space, complete with tasteful furnishings and ample supply of refreshments.
Leo: Like the house cat before the earthquake, you feel that change is coming. The fact you do not know exactly when, nor in what shape it will take. It is irritating. You will be pleasantly surprised at the outcome, but the process will be unexpected and hence irksome. Wednesday, paperwork goes in your favor.
Virgo: Your reasonable fears of social chaos brought on by plague can now be laid aside, Virgo. The orbiting space fleet of intelligent insects have all died of a high sugar, high salt diet of filched earth food, and their ships are being drawn into the Sun. Things get complicated on Monday, so unless you are taking notes for your screenplay, you might get muddled.
Libra: You do realize that these super star concerts will continue for the next two thousand years, and your ability to project future costume trends will become quite rewarding. Power up your colored pencils and put some of your genius on paper, Libra. You can anchor down things in a swirling world. Used your secret color coded paper clips.
Scorpio: It is the process and not the outcome you do not like. I do not blame you. Thursday, after midnight, (like, early Friday morning) debauchery beckons, with an early encounter with an old man in a wet suit, then some problems with computers. Your suspicions about the old man are insightful towards future problems with remote storage devices.
Sagittarius: Wednesday is really good for you, Sagittarius. If you are going to duel a rival in love, you will win with a flourish and a clever move with a dagger that your learnt from a book written in Spanish. Otherwise, the same result occurs, but no need of recourse to getting your clothes mended and dry cleaned.
Capricorn: With great relief, Pluto has exited your sign Capricorn. The feeling is mutual, actually. You Capricorns are tough to smelt. Anyway, having been transformed (compare who you were twenty years ago to who you are now), you can look forward to a rewarding crawl out of the gutter and up the mountain of accomplishment. Your week is filled with exotic pleasure, but do not tell anyone how much you enjoy yourself.
Aquarius: Your are ahead of your time, and your mission is to nudge into manifestation the Age of Aquarius. The War God will soon tire of playing with tin soldiers and you will push forward, after Wednesday. Advances in agriculture and awareness of nutrition will assist you in strange ways this week. Maybe try something new.
Pisces: You will be drawn to large bodies of water for a final message from the Supreme Librarian of the Universe. Nothing overdrawn, I hope. Aside from administriva, just be patient and you will get your Book of Wisdom through inter library loan. You are on the notification list. Wednesday, be sure to pull the plug on any appliances your are attempting to repair.
I, Fenris Badwulf, wrote this. I care.
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